I Fly Solo

Mood:  red cup


Sup?  It's been a few days.  This week has been, for lack of a better word...intense.  Due to weather related issues (and a paranoid but well meaning) grandmother...today is the first day I have been at my apartment since Sunday.   


Work this week has been...challenging...to say the least.  I've had more mini crises of faith in the past 4 days than I ever have in my life.  And I've been through 2 years of seminary!  So....I picked up a book by Bart Ehrman (highly recommend this author if you've never read him).  God's Problem:  How the Bible Fails to Answer our Most Important Question - Why We Suffer which is aimed at pointing out how faith can indeed leave you hanging sometimes.  How God and the Bible and religion in general can leave you feeling alone and exposed and hurting.  

As I drove to Early today...heading towards my apartment...I was freaking out.  I haven't had a panic attack in probably 3 weeks or so.  But when I woke up this morning one felt imminent.  So, I adjusted my work schedule and with Caitlyn on the phone, I decided to face the anxiety head on.  I have never felt that kind of anxiety regarding my apartment.  Sure...coming home from PA in January was sad without Caitlyn...but it wasn't a reason to panic.  This morning though...something kind of snapped in me.  And I realized that for the past few days I've been surrounded by people constantly.  While I'm not alone often...I usually do get my "me" time in the morning and evening before and after work.  But with the weather and family...well there was no "me" time this week.

I guess being around somebody 24/7 again and then...very suddenly being not around anybody...reinforced how alone I am sometimes.  And it sincerely freaked me out.

But I came home.  Put away the dishes that had been left drying from Sunday morning and did some closet cleaning.  Texted with friends and fam.  Watched some glee....and had a random need to listen to this song:

I haven't listened to this song since Cait lived here and we had random late night insomnia induced dance parties in the bedroom.  Instead of making me sad and homesick...it made me happy.  Yeah...I live alone...but that in no way means that I am alone.  

So today my nice thing was to take ownership of me.  To remind myself that I'm not alone even when I'm alone.  To read something affirming, funny, and thought provoking...and also Cosmo...and to paint my nails...do a face mask.  Make an awesome dinner and indulge in some pretty sweet single activities.  

 

I Love Love...I Love Being in Love....

Mood: loved


Yesterday was the Day O' Love...Valentine's Day...Singles Awareness Day...Vday....whatever you'd like to call it.  This fun little holiday sneaks up on me every year.  And I want so desperately to hate it for the materialistic and commercial nature of this day...but the hopeless romantic (uh and girl) in me can't help but get sucked into some of it.


Especially when you start your day with these two amazing cards:

The first card is one of my fav quotes...and came from my sister.  The inside is far nicer than the outside, but I'm not posting that.  It's private.  Next...Mommy and Daddy's card.  Both are now proudly displayed on my desk. 

After reading the cards, feeling homesick, and going through about 900 pens (please tell Air Products to start making BLUE ink pens for promotional purposes....thanks!) I decided that since so many people had done something nice for me already I really didn't need to do nice things.  Then I realized that one cannot take a break from niceness.  

Of course the first nice thing I did for myself was to continue opening presents from Caitlyn.  Awesome new Bare Minerals lipgloss...brand new Kabuki brush (it feels like Heaven on my face)...and then:

 As far as what was in the Juicy box...I was so excited I didn't take a pic...rather put it on right away so you'll see it in a bit.  And from the parentals:

Rice Krispy treat heart.  Adorable and delish....though NOBODY tops Caitlyn's rice krispies.  It just can't be done.  Please notice to the right of the rice krispy some excellent smiley faced topped pens...courtesy of my adorable father.  Continue the gift opening:

 Yes...I have a shelf in my office on which stuffed animals sit.  Caitlyn sent me Bolt (it's a thing...) and he promptly made his way to my shelf to sit with his new friends...including Philly Guy (or the Phanatic to those that use proper names and such).  I'm not going to say that I talk to stuffed animals or anything...but they're all thrilled that Bolt's there.  

After all the gift opening and everything...I decided to be nice to those around me.  My family have cards written and sealed but I haven't yet found the correct presents so the box has been neither packed nor sent.  Soooo I grabbed some cards and gave one to the secretary at the church and the secretary at the Presbytery office.  After all, a woman can never have too many people tell her that she's special...especially on Valentine's Day.

It's so like me that to fully come to the heart (HA) of the holiday...I did materialistic things first.  But I got there.  And I'm still remembering today that love is not a one day a year idea...but a tangible and ever present part of our lives...whether we accept it or not.  

While I was thinking on this I decided I'd make all my readers (whoever you may be) my Valentine. 

I stupidly took that before putting on Cait's new lipgloss...but notice the sparkly key above my heart?  I've wanted a key necklace for over 2 years and Cait knows I won't splurge on myself...so she did.  Which makes me love her just that much more.

Look around you.  Your life...regardless of how mundane or lonely it seems...is full of people that love you.  And if not...start giving kick ass presents and people will definitely love you.  I feel like at least 1,000 babies were conceived on that notion yesterday.  I'm kidding.  In all seriousness...to get love...give love.  And accept it.  Most importantly, though?  Love yourself.  You're pretty awesome.

And I leave you with something that I happen to find beyond awesome (even though she's embarrassed by it cause it was her first video...and yes they've gotten way better...but this one is still my favorite ever!).  Happy the day after Valentine's Day.  I still love you today.  And I will tomorrow.  Just like I'll keep doing nice things to remind myself I love me.  Every day.  

And I promise this video is worth watching....if nothing else than for the embarrassing photos of me (the "spooge" shot....even Daddy's seen it...the blonde wig...the 3D glasses....)...and of course the masterful STAR SWIPE!

PS - Cait...i <3 you!

I'd Send a Postcard to you Dear.....

Mood: vanilla twilight

Today was the first day of Sunday School. If you follow this blog, you know that's a HUGE part of my job...implementing an educational program. The church hasn't had anything formal for nearly 2 years.

So this morning, I was freaking out. About everything. About Sunday School, about work on Monday. About romance. About children and my lack of. About my messy apartment (I'm working on it a little each day). About how I've stressed so much that I'm physically sick AGAIN. About missing family. About my debt. About missing Caitlyn. About moving back here. About long distances.

What all the worry amounted to is simply that I'm sick. Sunday School went beautifully. The kids were open, the teachers were amazing, and I couldn't have been any happier. I even worked after Sunday School and the service....like REALLY worked. Because, seeing those kids made me realize that even if this isn't a long term thing, or I don't send the rest of my life in Iowa...I made the right decision for me...right now.

Which put me at ease. And I even treated myself to some lo mein for lunch...and dinner. Along with the 4 liters of OJ I've consumed today (I can't stop thinking of Juno except, I drank Simply Orange not Sunny D).

And as I've been in and out of consciousness for the last 7 hours or so, I've awoken to a few random things. An SNL skit....if you're friends with me on fb...it's on my page. And I woke up with this burning need to listen to the song below. I woke up needing this song, I thought for one reason. For a person in Ireland whom I miss dearly. I thought I would listen and somehow feel closer...but my nice thing turned out to backlash on me for a few minutes.

I've never actually seen the video...just really love the song. And as I watched it, I not only felt even FARTHER from the person I miss...but I realized that I missed Caitlyn. A lot. There's a lyric:

The silence isn't so bad, till I look at my hands and feel sad. Cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly. I'll find repose in new ways though I haven't slept in 2 days cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone. But drenched in vanilla twilight I'll sit on the front porch all night, waist deep in thought cause when I think of you I don't feel so alone.

I know it's an odd response to think of my sister during that song. But all I could think about as I listened to this part in particular were the nights that she played this for me, holding my hand as I cried and felt lonely. And tonight....as I cried I had nobody there to hold my hand.

Which at first was terrifying, and lonely. And as I type, tears are quite literally streaming down my face. We're talking the kind that slip into your lips, that drip off your chin.

But that's my nice thing. To grieve. And to realize that I need to at some point, because things have and will continue to change. That's just part of growing up. And while I thought what I was missing today was romance and my lack thereof and my Ireland....what I was really missing was something I'm just damn lucky to have to miss. An amazing sister who I can honestly call my best friend.

And as I know she reads this, know that I love you. And that I am so proud that you did what was right for you. And I did what was right for me. And together...even if we're apart...we'll grow up.  And I love you.

Sometimes nice things aren't pretty.  Sometimes they're messy and tear stained and painful....but you can't get anywhere until you acknowledge where you've been, where you are, and where you want to go.  So I'll cry.  And remember I'm not truly alone.  And I'll think of Ireland and my sister.  And my brother.  And the dogs and my parents.  And all the people who support me silently.  And I'll remember that sometimes being kind to myself, is allowing myself to hurt. 

Legally Blizzard

Mood:  cold, accomplished

Today...it's "Iowa" weather.  Ridiculously windy, freezing, icy and of course the fun snow.  Thus, I decided not to leave the apartment.  Caitlyn and I spent all day yesterday in Sioux City doing some Christmas shopping.  Pretty much everything is covered and I got some amazing deals.  I've recently started wearing cardigans...almost daily.  And I've had my eye on some at Old Navy for over a month now, and yesterday they were buy one, get one.  Loved it.  On top of some super sales at Kohls...which equaled more cardigans...and FINALLY a pair of leather over the knee boots (for under 50!!!!).  It was a highly productive, and actually pretty cheap day.

But besides acquiring some new clothing, nothing much happened yesterday.  So today, it was business time.  And seeing as the weather was supposed to be awful (which it was) Cait and I decided to get down to business.  As we prepare for her to leave, part of that is going through the apartment and getting the stuff she'll be able to stuff into a suitcase together.  Also general cleaning so that when I come home from the holidays to an empty apartment...it's also clean as opposed to looking like a tornado hit it.  

So we cleaned, I cooked an awesome dinner...and we ate oatmeal cookies for dessert.  One would think with all of that niceness that I was in good spirits...but there's far too much work to still be done for that to have happened.  Thus I sat in the kitchen...dejected...and slumped in a bar chair....that hasn't been fit for sitting in nearly a month.  As we got ready to eat, Caitlyn asked me what movie I wanted to watch.  I...being just a tad bit dramatic as I can be....muttered something to the effect of it didn't matter because nothing did anymore.

See, while I can't wait to see friends and family that I literally have not seen in years...the prospect of going home is terrifying.  I go home with Caitlyn...and then...I come back alone.  I'm horrified at leaving by myself.  And knowing that she's not coming back a few weeks later.  So I've thought of skipping Christmas at home all together, but I mean, it's been two years since I've seen my brother...uncool.

Today's nice thing happened when I heard the title music to Legally Blonde.  Cait knows my go-to "you can do it" movie...and yes...it's Legally Blonde.  For some reason EVERY SINGLE TIME I watch it I am motivated to push myself beyond what I THINK I am capable of into what I KNOW I am capable of.  And I get excited about it.  As we settled in with said amazing dinner and eventually awesome cookies...we watched...and laughed...and searched online for inexpensive Christmas dresses...and as the movie ended....I was smiling.  Genuinely.  Unafraid of being on my own.  I know this next bit of my journey is going to be hard...but nothing I won't be able to handle.  And for the first time in a long time...I can't wait to go home.

All By Myself

Mood: unsettled

Every time I hear that song, I think of Clueless and how they play it as she realizes she's "butt crazy" in love with Josh...and the movie ends soon after, happily.  However...

It's official.  The big news is about to be shared:  Caitlyn is leaving Iowa.  My partner in crime...though usually she makes me behave more than Mommy would...my confidant, my friend, my snuggle during scary movies partner.  My make it through this mess of living single in your 20s friend.  Is going.

My shopping partner, my bulletin board helper, my sister...is leaving.

And while I know it is best for her, and most likely me...I am terrified of what life looks like being 23 hours away from my family.  Talk about living alone.  

And so, my nice thing for today...and every day until we leave for Christmas (on Christmas...we go together...I leave home alone....) will be to enjoy what time we have left.  And remind myself that I AM CAPABLE...and I CAN be by  myself.  And that just like Clueless if I sincerely believe it and make it happen...I'm destined for my own happy ending. 

Absolutely Fabulous

Mood:  absolutely fabulous

Black Friday has not been observed by me since...well I stopped working in retail.  And I "celebrated" then by heading into work before midnight...sooooooo it wasn't that fun.  So this year, Caitlyn and I decided to observe Black Friday Wal-Mart style.  We arrived around 11:30.  We had nothing in particular to buy...just wanted to have the whole experience.  And at 11:34 we realized why (or at least I did) Black Friday is horrible.  People are mean...there's never enough space...and apparently the only thing I really wanted (Red Bull) was cautioned off.  Actually, about 50% of the store was caution taped off.  Thus making it near impossible to get anywhere effectively.  

And after Black Friday becomes....Sleepy Saturday.  After a whirlwind of activity and emotions on Friday came...Saturday.  And today...came napping.  A lunch of nachos (with guacamole!!!) and brownies for dessert.  Cait and I both needed some easy and comforting food.  Melted cheese...salsa....and chocolate....wonderful!  And then the wonderful afternoon of bloated lounging around began.  With a marathon of hilarious things that make us laugh.

Being nice to myself today, Caitlyn and I watched an entire afternoon of Absolutely Fabulous.  And it was absolutely fabulous. 

Thanksgiving....a bit early

Mood:  whiny, sick, flu.....blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

It's official...I'm sick.  I've been fighting off cold like symptoms for a week or so...and yesterday morning I thought it was going to happen.  Then I felt better all day, all night....and then I woke up.  I legit sounded like an "Atlantic City smoker" this morning and I can barely hear out of my ears.  My eyes are burning and stinging and I feel like I got run over by a Greyhound.  Oh and the A.C. reference...Caitlyn once told me if I continued to smoke I'd end up sounding like one of the old ladies at the slots....the "Atlantic City" special if you will.  However, since I no longer smoke the A.C. voice troubles me.

Thus I spent my first few hours today literally struggling to keep my eyelids open, which was a losing battle.  I've probably been awake for about 4 or so hours today...which is about 4 hours too much.  And as the doctor is "quite busy" I'm waiting to see if I can be squeezed in.  The rest of this week will not be pretty for anyone near me if they don't squeeze me.  And fast.  

To that end, I fully admit that I am the whiniest, neediest, and most horrendous person when I get sick.  Let me clarify, not all the time.  There are times when I champion through...but it seems the less severe the sickness the more heinously annoying I get about being sick.  When it's just enough to keep you from doing normal things (going to the post office, working, showering) then if you're around me...you'll probably just want to knock me out with a heavy dose of codeine.

Since I am not capable of breathing correctly, being nice to myself is nearly impossible today.  Though, I had to at least attempt.  So here it is....well...really I did nothing but sleep...though I did call a doctor so as to get better.  Plus it might feel nice to try out that whole health insurance thing.  

Beyond that the entire nice part of my day consisted of this:

I stole a cute pic of the two of them.  Caitlyn has been putting up with the whiny, cranky, monster that I've been all day (even giving me a back rub cause my body hurt so badly...and running errands all day since I literally can barely leave bed)...and Maddie has been playing nurse licking hands and face when I'm feeling my worst.

So the nicest thing I can do for myself today...is to count my blessings and remember how lucky I am to have a sister (and her baby) that love me enough to put up with a sick version of me.  And not just put up, but soothe, comfort, rub, watch Glee with, make me laugh when I'm crying (I get over-emotional when I'm sick as well) and just in general be with me.  So even though I haven't acted like it today...thank you Caitlyn (and Maddie) for being able to make me feel better today.  I love you both!

Girls Day

Mood:  sleeeeeeepy, satisfied

Today, Caitlyn and I had a girl's day.  I got a Vera Wang skirt for $10!!!!!  Major score.  In addition everything I bought today was on sale....with the exception of a $15 DVD.  I think the nice thing is self explanatory.  Girls day = nice thing.  So I'll leave you with some enjoyable pictures.

Another nice thing...I wore red lipstick.  I've always been too scared to do red lips, as I thought it would look clownish...but I LOVED today's look!

And my accomplice for the day....

Delicious Blue Moon with lunch.

Afternoon refueling...Pumpkin Spice Latte....

All in all a wonderful day.  Every once in a while, it's okay to indulge...and to spend a little money on yourself. 

Go Green

Mood:  happy, nostalgic

I have not been to a high school football game since my homecoming game at Emmaus High School in 2001.  That's 9 years.  Getting ready for the game (part of my job now) was anxiety riddled at best.  It's weird how you can remove yourself from high school, and grow, and truly make progress...but there's ALWAYS that 16 year old girl in you wanting to impress your peers....or the parents...or the kids themselves in my case.  

Anyway...I got to the game.  It was the last home game of the season, thus the last game at which the band played.  My dad was a member of this band for his high school career...and it was neat to see how much it has transformed.  Perhaps my favorite part of the evening, at halftime, they played songs from Harry Potter (YES!!!!)

Please forgive that my pics keep going sideways....I fix them and then this is how they upload.  Anyway...so I decided I needed to invest in some "Tornado" pride attire...but couldn't find a shirt I REALLY liked so I went with the next best thing....

This was definitely a hit with me (and by the way...Emmaus DID NOT have these when I went...just saying...).  So waving my finger and actually paying attention to the game...I got...happy, excited, and terribly homesick.  I miss my parents...and being in the same place my father spent his high school years...it was awesome....but sad.  I wish we could have shared that together.  

But perhaps the best thing about tonight and the nice thing I did for myself today involved the cheerleaders.  If you know me, you know I WISH I had been one...and I've always loved the sport.  I still watch ESPN cheerleading when it's on.  I noticed (as did Caitlyn who bravely accompanied me on this sojourn) that the cheerleaders had hot pink pom poms.

 Interesting as the school colors are green and white.  But for the month of October, they're using hot pink to raise awareness for breast cancer...and they collected donations during halftime for the local hospital's woman's program.  I donated freely...without worrying about my budget.  My nice thing today was that I not only went back to high school...but I gave of myself, and my bank account freely...with the knowledge that God has, does, and will continue to provide.

Positive Self Talk

Mood:  sleepy, exhausted, slightly cranky...

The title of this post sounds like an episode of Dr. Phil...and a bad one at that.  However, bear with me.  One of the things that I try to do for myself every day (as part of the doing nice things for myself campaign) is to talk positively to myself.  It helps to have a partner in this and while my mother has been one for a long time...Caitlyn is the best.  In part I suppose that is due to physical proximity.  And I do the same thing for her that she does for me.  

I came home tonight from work (at 8:30) feeling...defeated.  There are a few things that I find overwhelming and disheartening...and I know that not everything is going to be 100% smooth sailing.  I honestly didn't expect that.  What I didn't expect was all these weird emotions bubbling up as a result...this is not the forum to discuss the issues I'm facing.  However, I will say that...while I intellectually KNOW I can handle all of this...on particularly challenging days....I have a hard time believing in myself.

Which is where positive self talk comes in.  It's all too easy to say things like "I suck" or "wow, I'm stupid" or the glance in the mirror followed by "who IS that?"  And on the surface...they're just words.  But if you say them to yourself constantly (or all your life) you start to believe those words.  You internalize those thoughts.  So as a part of this "better" life I've pledged NOT to engage in negative talk about myself.  And Caitlyn makes sure I don't do it.  Gentle reminders and some days a little slap on the wrist and she sets me straight.  

So today (especially tonight) I renew my vow to practice the art of positive self talk!  And then I shall internalize positive thoughts...and bring good things my way!

Now to bed before another day!  God bless.

A Golden Morning

Mood:  anxious...

Some mornings, I tend to wake up a little anxious.  A bit worked up.  And most mornings, I'm able to lay in bed for a few minutes after my alarm goes off, deep breathing, planning for the day, and I'm fine after my shower.  And then there are mornings such as today:  where even after my shower the only thing that sounds possible is to get back into bed and pull the covers up high.  

As this is not an option...nor would that do anything to ameliorate the anxiety...I decided to use another little trick I've found.  After my shower I like to have my coffee and OJ.  When I'm feeling anxious I'm not super keen on adding a bunch of caffeine to the mix, so I drink water and OJ instead.  And then (since I FORCED myself to get up earlier than necessary) I watch TV that I KNOW without a doubt will calm me down.  There are a few shows that work for me:  How I Met Your Mother (newest addition), Scrubs, and The Golden Girls.

This morning I desperately needed a little dose of the girls to get me centered.  I know it's odd...but it works.  And with the wonderful sister that I have (who is giving up 9 hours of her life to help me do things at work) I am beyond confident that not only will I survive today...but I will make it a good day!

Most days the good things I do come at various times in the day...and I always blog at night.  But this is a new era in my life and the blog.  Good things come at every minute of our day if we let them.  So this morning I took some time to remind myself that I am going to come out on top today.  And Caitlyn will see to it that I keep this attitude.  And this is NOT the only good thing I'll do today...but it's a great start.

Thank you for being a friend.

And I'm Back

Mood:  relaxed, calm, happy, lurved

It has been brought to my attention that I have had internet in the apartment since last Thursday evening, and yet I have not blogged.  And I intended to blog everyday about my good things.  Without internet, that was a wee bit difficult, but now that I have internet there is really no excuse.

I have been feeling a bit under the weather recently.  Mainly severe allergies....and upset stomach in addition.  But still, I've continued my nice things even if it was just making a cup of tea.

Anyway.  It's been a relaxing sort of morning so far.  Got up, checked required social networking, and then walked Maddie with Caitlyn.  Made some breakfast, took a lovely phone call, and then...well....I haven't really done too much of anything.  Since I have a meeting at 7 I'm rationalizing the fact that I am still in bed (though fully awake AND upright) by telling myself that I won't be home until rather late this evening and I have to be up early tomorrow for my last day at the manor.

And so, besides taking it easy on myself today, I've decided that my nice thing for myself today is to remember how far I've come in a year.  Let's take a little journey shall we...

About 14 months ago I moved half way across the country to virtually the middle of nowhere for....many reasons but essentially no specific purpose.  I had no job to go to, little interest in living with my grandparents, and no control over my own life.  I did happen upon a job I loved with all my heart (most of the time) but knew it wasn't for me.  And 14 months later I'm starting a career that I can't wait to get into.  I took control of my life and live in my own place (with Cait and Maddie of course) and am starting to take control over other areas of my life.

I'm pretty damn impressed with all that I've accomplished in a short amount of time.  I feel like I grew up in about 6 months.  The truth of the matter is though, there's been behind the scenes encouragement from a certain Irish fellow for nearly 2 years now, without which I don't think I would have done this.  And the family (especially Cait for her support - in every sense of the word) didn't hurt either.  So thank you to all of you who have helped me get as far as I am today.  I am truly excited about the person I've somehow become (and know that I have so much more to offer the world). 

I love you. xxx

Change

Mood:  cramps, exhausted, OVERWHELMED, defeated...

As the "mood" section of this blog might indicate, I'm done in.  Yesterday was tiring at it's best moments and utterly defeating at it's worst.  I woke up earlier than I needed to by A LOT (which I did again today...YAY) and decided to get the morning rolling with Cait by walking Maddie.  Then packing.  And the stress began.  I think it's universal that the majority of humanity hates packing.  Perhaps I should specify...packing to move.  Packing for, say, Vegas is awesome.  Packing your life into boxes and bags and attempting to make some sense of all the "stuff" and "things" is...overwhelming.  And I always think I have WAY too much clothing (even though I can never find ANYTHING to wear) or candles or journals...you get the idea.  I have too much "stuff."

The thing that annoys me about it this time is that, when I moved to Iowa I literally took the BARE essentials.  I mean...we took two cars but Caitlyn and Mommy will attest to the fact that all totaled my packing amounted to probably half a car.  I really wasn't looking forward to the move...so I just...well I kind of didn't pack, hence taking nothing.  Yet a year later, getting ready to move into this tiny apartment I find I've amassed an entire wardrobe, too much jewelry (like I needed more), and so much random other crap that all I can do is stare at it, get upset and decide to do something else.

But yesterday Caitlyn and I actually made some really good progress on the packing thing.  We may be packing into trash bags...but we're moving 20 minutes away so I feel like class can be forgotten for a few minutes.  Anyway so we've already donated 3 overstuffed trash bags to Goodwill and are working on 2 more.  We packed up all of our pants and tank tops and shirts yesterday that we know we won't be wearing in the next week or so.  Feeling good about our progress (and the fact that we squeezed work and errands into the day) we headed to bed.

A few episodes into "How I Met Your Mother" the second season and a lot of laughter Caitlyn and I were feeling good.  Then the yelling began.  Not going into any detail, isn't it just the way of the world that some people can make you feel like the absolute smallest human being in, oh say, 4 or 5 words.  And while both of us know that we're only subject to current situation for a few more days...it killed our moods.  We sat, not speaking, and feeling miserable.  Helpless. 

Then I looked over at Cait and saw this:

 

And because my  mind works in incredibly weird ways this made me think of a Taylor Swift song I'd heard earlier in the day when I randomly put her playlist on  random on  my phone.  The song..."Change."  Get it?  Piggy bank...change?  Okay, anyway, so it's actually a beautiful song about overcoming and winning and triumph and today...THAT was my nice thing.   I believed the song.  I BELIEVE that things WILL change.  Starting with a move...which means a LOT more packing and upset and stress....but it's all for the better.

I KNOW this without a doubt.  "Cause these things will change."  

P to the S if you haven't heard the song.....here you go: 

Goals

Today was ridiculously busy.  After waking up (again to Lady Gaga early in the morning) I got pretty much straight to business.  Caitlyn and I ran to the bank, ran and picked up a few smaller things for the new apartment, opened a checking account and new (and better) bank, packed, got rid of stuff....and then I napped.

And when I woke up in the afternoon...everything that I had done in the morning felt like days away and I was feeling lazy so I popped in a disc of "How I Met Your Mother" and watched a few episodes.  And as I have had a ridiculous sweet tooth (chocolate specific) for the last two days I treated myself (and Caitlyn) to some ice cream.  A small but delish happy thing for today.

What I really did for myself today...was search for Halloween costumes.  Which I do in random moments when I get bored online and need something to look at....and this lead to a pair of shoes I had long since forgotten.  

Theses are not just any shoes...these are THE shoes.  I MUST have these shoes.  And I forgot about them for nearly a year because...I can't afford to spend that money on a pair of shoes right now.  That's internet for a month.  But I look at the delight and slight obsession these shoes come with as such:  everybody has goals.  For instance, one day I'd like to take a girl's vacation with Caitlyn to Disney.  It may or may not happen but it gives me a reason to keep putting money in our piggy bank.  The shoes...smaller version of Disney goal.  One day I WILL own these shoes.  Until then...I'll look at them when I need a quick little pick me up.  Such as I did today.  And I think that we all need these little goals to remind us that our bigger dreams are completely attainable.  And one day I'll wear these shoes to a book signing....I hope.