Legally Blizzard

Mood:  cold, accomplished

Today...it's "Iowa" weather.  Ridiculously windy, freezing, icy and of course the fun snow.  Thus, I decided not to leave the apartment.  Caitlyn and I spent all day yesterday in Sioux City doing some Christmas shopping.  Pretty much everything is covered and I got some amazing deals.  I've recently started wearing cardigans...almost daily.  And I've had my eye on some at Old Navy for over a month now, and yesterday they were buy one, get one.  Loved it.  On top of some super sales at Kohls...which equaled more cardigans...and FINALLY a pair of leather over the knee boots (for under 50!!!!).  It was a highly productive, and actually pretty cheap day.

But besides acquiring some new clothing, nothing much happened yesterday.  So today, it was business time.  And seeing as the weather was supposed to be awful (which it was) Cait and I decided to get down to business.  As we prepare for her to leave, part of that is going through the apartment and getting the stuff she'll be able to stuff into a suitcase together.  Also general cleaning so that when I come home from the holidays to an empty apartment...it's also clean as opposed to looking like a tornado hit it.  

So we cleaned, I cooked an awesome dinner...and we ate oatmeal cookies for dessert.  One would think with all of that niceness that I was in good spirits...but there's far too much work to still be done for that to have happened.  Thus I sat in the kitchen...dejected...and slumped in a bar chair....that hasn't been fit for sitting in nearly a month.  As we got ready to eat, Caitlyn asked me what movie I wanted to watch.  I...being just a tad bit dramatic as I can be....muttered something to the effect of it didn't matter because nothing did anymore.

See, while I can't wait to see friends and family that I literally have not seen in years...the prospect of going home is terrifying.  I go home with Caitlyn...and then...I come back alone.  I'm horrified at leaving by myself.  And knowing that she's not coming back a few weeks later.  So I've thought of skipping Christmas at home all together, but I mean, it's been two years since I've seen my brother...uncool.

Today's nice thing happened when I heard the title music to Legally Blonde.  Cait knows my go-to "you can do it" movie...and yes...it's Legally Blonde.  For some reason EVERY SINGLE TIME I watch it I am motivated to push myself beyond what I THINK I am capable of into what I KNOW I am capable of.  And I get excited about it.  As we settled in with said amazing dinner and eventually awesome cookies...we watched...and laughed...and searched online for inexpensive Christmas dresses...and as the movie ended....I was smiling.  Genuinely.  Unafraid of being on my own.  I know this next bit of my journey is going to be hard...but nothing I won't be able to handle.  And for the first time in a long time...I can't wait to go home.

Legally...Half Blonde

Mood:  blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Today was not a pretty day.  I woke up COMPLETELY awake before dawn all ready to go to the gym, and I could not get Caitlyn to wake up.  I wasn't trying TOO hard because to be honest, the last thing I felt like doing was going to the gym before 6:00.  I checked all my social networking sites (which is sadly the FIRST thing I do in the morning) and then took a little snooze until I absolutely HAD to get into the shower.

I'll skip the rest of my day.  It included disappointment, disrespect, dehumanization, and a lot of other "D" words.  So as I was on the phone with my mom (who is helping Cait and I move and I get to see in less than 2 weeks!!!!!!) she asked what nice thing I had done for myself today.  I really couldn't answer.  I did a few things that were nice...but nothing seemed to make me feel better.

I guess if I had to pick ONE thing that I did that made me feel better today it would be this:

This movie ALWAYS makes me happier inside.  And I tear up every single time I listen to her graduation speech.  While fun and frivolous, this movie reminds me that I AM capable of doing things that others may not expect of me and that I may not even expect of myself yet.  Life really is full of surprises and and maybe my nice thing for today is reminding myself that my future might not even be known to me yet.  I might be destined for things that I haven't even dreamed of.  And there's some scariness in there...but also some beauty.  Today...I gave myself the gift of hope...and surprise...and motivation.