Legally Blizzard

Mood:  cold, accomplished

Today...it's "Iowa" weather.  Ridiculously windy, freezing, icy and of course the fun snow.  Thus, I decided not to leave the apartment.  Caitlyn and I spent all day yesterday in Sioux City doing some Christmas shopping.  Pretty much everything is covered and I got some amazing deals.  I've recently started wearing cardigans...almost daily.  And I've had my eye on some at Old Navy for over a month now, and yesterday they were buy one, get one.  Loved it.  On top of some super sales at Kohls...which equaled more cardigans...and FINALLY a pair of leather over the knee boots (for under 50!!!!).  It was a highly productive, and actually pretty cheap day.

But besides acquiring some new clothing, nothing much happened yesterday.  So today, it was business time.  And seeing as the weather was supposed to be awful (which it was) Cait and I decided to get down to business.  As we prepare for her to leave, part of that is going through the apartment and getting the stuff she'll be able to stuff into a suitcase together.  Also general cleaning so that when I come home from the holidays to an empty apartment...it's also clean as opposed to looking like a tornado hit it.  

So we cleaned, I cooked an awesome dinner...and we ate oatmeal cookies for dessert.  One would think with all of that niceness that I was in good spirits...but there's far too much work to still be done for that to have happened.  Thus I sat in the kitchen...dejected...and slumped in a bar chair....that hasn't been fit for sitting in nearly a month.  As we got ready to eat, Caitlyn asked me what movie I wanted to watch.  I...being just a tad bit dramatic as I can be....muttered something to the effect of it didn't matter because nothing did anymore.

See, while I can't wait to see friends and family that I literally have not seen in years...the prospect of going home is terrifying.  I go home with Caitlyn...and then...I come back alone.  I'm horrified at leaving by myself.  And knowing that she's not coming back a few weeks later.  So I've thought of skipping Christmas at home all together, but I mean, it's been two years since I've seen my brother...uncool.

Today's nice thing happened when I heard the title music to Legally Blonde.  Cait knows my go-to "you can do it" movie...and yes...it's Legally Blonde.  For some reason EVERY SINGLE TIME I watch it I am motivated to push myself beyond what I THINK I am capable of into what I KNOW I am capable of.  And I get excited about it.  As we settled in with said amazing dinner and eventually awesome cookies...we watched...and laughed...and searched online for inexpensive Christmas dresses...and as the movie ended....I was smiling.  Genuinely.  Unafraid of being on my own.  I know this next bit of my journey is going to be hard...but nothing I won't be able to handle.  And for the first time in a long time...I can't wait to go home.

Hold on Hope

Mood:  warming up

Tis the season!  I realize I have not blogged since Black Friday.  Apologies.  Truth is, I've pretty much been sick since then.  I got sick that weekend...went to the doctor Monday...and am currently still sick.  I'm not a doctor, but I'm 99% sure it's strep.  But all my doctor would do is tell me I was fat and then give me a lecture.  Didn't even look at my throat.  Sooooooooo I'm living on cold medicine and codeine at night.  Lots of tea and naps...and avoiding the freezing weather outside.

Today, the second Sunday of Advent, I have to say I'm feeling a bit better.  I'm slowly making progress on the apartment.  And Christmas cards are written...most of them anyway.  Plus it's finally an acceptable time to grab the Christmas DVDs and having watched Christmas Vacation and Elf today, in addition to Shaun of the Dead I'm feeling full of the holiday spirit.

It could be that...or the cold medicine..either way I feel pretty good.  If you recall there is big life changing news coming.  But as it's not 100% and it's not mine (totally) to share, I'm holding off on telling.  Needless to say though, my life is in a state of flux.  And the one thing I'm craving most this holiday season is...a relationship.  One I guess I thought I had...

I find that the more Christmases that pass with me being single, the more I genuinely want to be in a relationship.  To have somebody to hold.  To go to obligatory parties with.  Somebody to at least call me on holidays...

So today, I did what I could to make that happen.  And if nothing happens, nothing happens.  But...it is the season of waiting and hope.  And miracles.  And so, I wait.  Hopeful.  

Office Space

Mood:  spent, slightly annoyed, creative

Mondays universally are pretty sucky.  Nothing happened today that made it sucky, it was just, Monday.  Even though I work 4 days in a row then have Friday and Saturday off...I find that makes Monday no less sucky.  I'm done saying sucky now.  I know that I "grew up" in a church...Mommy worked there for as long as I can remember.  And I know the schedule is...frustrating at best.  Even with "normal" office hours working in a church is a somewhat nebulous way of working.  There are deadlines and meetings and events...but it's hard to put God and ministry on a time-clock.  

I'm slowly getting used to the idea that I have a "real" job.  There's an episode from NBC's Community that pretty much sums up my life...in it one of the main female characters cheats on a test purposely so she will fail because she is terrified of excelling.  That's me.  I've never worked a job I was bad at...but I've never given myself the chance to really do great things.

This time, it's different.  So after the initial hating Monday morning routine, I got ready, got into the office...and started to finally make it "my" office.  

Cait helped me cover the bulletin board with the fabric and string the ribbons...it's still a work in progress but it brightens the room...and screams "Ashley."

Right next to that hangs this....

This picture is special for a million reasons...a few being that we look fantastic with wind in our hair...we literally felt on top of the world (and on top of the Las Vegas strip is pretty close...) and it reminds me where I was, where I've been...and where I'll keep going (and with whom).

Of course the title of this blog is also the title of a hilarious movie...and I think of it every Monday as I pretty much live in a perpetual state of "the Mondays" and I'm always looking for a (pink) Swingline to put on my desk and threaten to burn the building down for.  I hope you enjoyed your Monday...and that even if it wasn't decorating you office space, you did something nice for yourself!

Legally...Half Blonde

Mood:  blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Today was not a pretty day.  I woke up COMPLETELY awake before dawn all ready to go to the gym, and I could not get Caitlyn to wake up.  I wasn't trying TOO hard because to be honest, the last thing I felt like doing was going to the gym before 6:00.  I checked all my social networking sites (which is sadly the FIRST thing I do in the morning) and then took a little snooze until I absolutely HAD to get into the shower.

I'll skip the rest of my day.  It included disappointment, disrespect, dehumanization, and a lot of other "D" words.  So as I was on the phone with my mom (who is helping Cait and I move and I get to see in less than 2 weeks!!!!!!) she asked what nice thing I had done for myself today.  I really couldn't answer.  I did a few things that were nice...but nothing seemed to make me feel better.

I guess if I had to pick ONE thing that I did that made me feel better today it would be this:

This movie ALWAYS makes me happier inside.  And I tear up every single time I listen to her graduation speech.  While fun and frivolous, this movie reminds me that I AM capable of doing things that others may not expect of me and that I may not even expect of myself yet.  Life really is full of surprises and and maybe my nice thing for today is reminding myself that my future might not even be known to me yet.  I might be destined for things that I haven't even dreamed of.  And there's some scariness in there...but also some beauty.  Today...I gave myself the gift of hope...and surprise...and motivation.