First Day

Mood:  excited, nervous, anxious, empowered

There are tons of "first days" in one's life...but the first day of a new job always brings with it a new sense of purpose, a new persona maybe, and of course a new set of worries.  Today, I woke up waaaaaaaaaaaaay earlier than I wanted to as I'm at work until 8 this evening (our Wednesday evening youth program kicks off tonight!) and tossed and turned until I eventually decided sleep was not coming and thus settled on being awake.  After nearly 2 nervous hours online I decided to get ready for my first day (officially full-time now) as the Director of Christian Education at Lakeside Presbyterian Church.  I got ready slowly, made some awesome coffee (which I've been too lazy to make for some time) and headed in.

On my drive in, I prayed.  I did deep breathing.  And I listened to a voicemail from my very best friend from back home, which made me cry a bit...so I turned Maroon 5 up until the tears were gone.  I've got nearly 4 hours of work left, and I've been here for almost 5 soooooooooo I'm about ready to go.  But aside from impeccable grooming and heel wearing, I haven't done many nice things for myself today.  I made coffee, I used EXTRA moisturizing lotion...but...until a few minutes ago I couldn't think of anything in particular that made today special.  And after all, a first day should be special if nothing else.

Here is where my good thing comes in to play today.  It's simple, but abundantly beautiful in it's simplicity.  I am ALIVE to live this day.  That is honestly my nice thing.  I gave myself kudos for having the strength to have gone on every single time I didn't want to, didn't think I could, didn't see any way for me to "be."  In light of recent circumstances surrounding our youth (in particular the LGBTQ community) I think this is an incredibly noble thing to acknowledge.  To really admire myself for "hanging in there," "keeping my chin up" and any other tired phrase that gets tossed around.

Truth is, we're all in a state right now.  When I started this blog it was just to remind myself that given current circumstances, life didn't suck...and was still worth living.  And today, I am more committed to learning all the bazillions of reasons why "it gets better."  It does, it has, and it will continue to get better.  I can't wait to see what other "firsts" will continue to come my way...and I'm glad I'll be around for it all.

(first mother/daughter picture taken during an elevator ride!!! and also...it's pretty!)