True Colors

Mood:  determined

The title references the phenomenal Cyndi Lauper song, redone by the amazing cast of Glee.  That was my song today, as it was "Spirit" day.  If you aren't sure what I'm talking about I'm referring to the wearing of purple in memory, honor, and love for those teenage lives lost to hate, bigotry, intolerance, bullying, and stupidity.  

I was so excited about this.  Every single time over the last few days that I checked my Facebook another friend was attending the event.  I wore my purple proudly, feeling wrapped in (let's face it...an awesome fall color) and the love that I knew was coming from all friends known, and unknown, that were wearing purple with me.

I colored the "purple" prayer today.

Someday I WILL figure out why my pics tend to go sideways...for now just turn your head 90 degrees and you'll read the prayer much easier.  I also painted my nails a lavender which I am now slightly obsessed with.

And though it looks blue, the ring is of course purple.  And then there was of course the purple shirt:

And while doing all these things I assumed my nice thing for myself today was to take comfort in the fact that I was doing something to better our tomorrows.  That's the point of my blog, right?  Little things (like wearing purple) to make big changes?  

The thing is, there are certain things that must be fought for with louder actions and bigger "things."  The safety and value of our children is one of those things to me.  And of course, as someone that was bullied I have a personal attachment to the cause.  But beyond that, I'm a Christian.  And I value the life of every single human being.  I (over MANY MANY years) have sincerely learned how to love everyone (neither Jew nor Greek....).  So in the course of my day while doing all nice things I cam upon an article about ANOTHER teen suicide.  Regarding his sexuality.  

My nice thing for today then became this:  I WILL stand for those that can't stand for themselves.  I WILL bring awareness to bullying and intolerance.  I WILL not rest until I have been heard.  I WILL fight for a tomorrow where children can go to school without fear and anxiety, where tolerance is practiced and the "norm" instead of a pleasant surprise.  I know it's gets better (I have the advantage of age) but I vow to MAKE it better for our kids...because some of them can't wait to see their lives get better.

First Day

Mood:  excited, nervous, anxious, empowered

There are tons of "first days" in one's life...but the first day of a new job always brings with it a new sense of purpose, a new persona maybe, and of course a new set of worries.  Today, I woke up waaaaaaaaaaaaay earlier than I wanted to as I'm at work until 8 this evening (our Wednesday evening youth program kicks off tonight!) and tossed and turned until I eventually decided sleep was not coming and thus settled on being awake.  After nearly 2 nervous hours online I decided to get ready for my first day (officially full-time now) as the Director of Christian Education at Lakeside Presbyterian Church.  I got ready slowly, made some awesome coffee (which I've been too lazy to make for some time) and headed in.

On my drive in, I prayed.  I did deep breathing.  And I listened to a voicemail from my very best friend from back home, which made me cry a bit...so I turned Maroon 5 up until the tears were gone.  I've got nearly 4 hours of work left, and I've been here for almost 5 soooooooooo I'm about ready to go.  But aside from impeccable grooming and heel wearing, I haven't done many nice things for myself today.  I made coffee, I used EXTRA moisturizing lotion...but...until a few minutes ago I couldn't think of anything in particular that made today special.  And after all, a first day should be special if nothing else.

Here is where my good thing comes in to play today.  It's simple, but abundantly beautiful in it's simplicity.  I am ALIVE to live this day.  That is honestly my nice thing.  I gave myself kudos for having the strength to have gone on every single time I didn't want to, didn't think I could, didn't see any way for me to "be."  In light of recent circumstances surrounding our youth (in particular the LGBTQ community) I think this is an incredibly noble thing to acknowledge.  To really admire myself for "hanging in there," "keeping my chin up" and any other tired phrase that gets tossed around.

Truth is, we're all in a state right now.  When I started this blog it was just to remind myself that given current circumstances, life didn't suck...and was still worth living.  And today, I am more committed to learning all the bazillions of reasons why "it gets better."  It does, it has, and it will continue to get better.  I can't wait to see what other "firsts" will continue to come my way...and I'm glad I'll be around for it all.

(first mother/daughter picture taken during an elevator ride!!! and also...it's pretty!)