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http://ablilland.blogspot.com/2011/09/i-really-dont-know-how-she-does-it.html
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2011/09/25
New Life, New Blog
Mood: excited
So I'm married! Pics will appear soon on the new blog!
Which you can check out here.....
http://ablilland.blogspot.com/2011/09/hello-my-name-is.html
Please read. Follow. Subscribe. And share!
So I'm married! Pics will appear soon on the new blog!
Which you can check out here.....
http://ablilland.blogspot.com/2011/09/hello-my-name-is.html
Please read. Follow. Subscribe. And share!
2011/09/09
The Perfection of Imperfection
Mood: it's Friday, Friday...
As you are aware, I am getting married. The wedding is now 8 days away. Right now I'm sitting next to the fiance...talking about how insane this all is...and thinking about all the stuff that needs to be finished in 8 days. Well....7 really. Okay....6 to be perfectly honest. Day 7 is head to the venue and set everything up day.
Since I am currently without a job, I've been doing wedding work during the day. As Jeff usually keeps me company while I'm doing work...it gets kinda lonely when it's just me. So while he and I text I turn on the tv. And I find Bridezillas to be the most motivating wedding show to watch while I'm doing fun and crafty things for the wedding. Though, to be fair, My Big Redneck Wedding is a close second.
Watching the show makes me proud of how very unBridezilla-ish I am. And have been. This morning Jeff was telling me that when he went and purchased my wedding gift the people in the store asked if I was freaking out yet. I'm not. Which he told them.
People keep asking me the same thing. I'm aware that marriage is a HUGE commitment. I understand completely that this is a life changing event and that I will, from September 17th onward, be a wife and (step)mother and always have a companion to stay true to and love and honor and respect. I get it. And I couldn't be more excited.
The thing that makes me so calm and happy and not freaked out...I know this is right. There is not a single atom of me that says "don't do this." I have to admit that I've always had an obsession with weddings. I have been watching Bridezillas since it first premiered (anybody else remember the old beginning with an actual song and human as the bride?). Mom and Caitlyn and I would cram together and watch it...in Mom's bed...in Caitlyn's bed...in the living room. And we would all look at each other and murmur about how that was going to be me. I'm a drama queen. I like attention. And I used to be obsessed with having the perfect wedding.
It's just...it's not me as an actual bride-to-be because I'm just not stressed. Am I a little worried about details? Of course. But they'll get done because I genuinely am having so much fun adding these personal touches to our wedding day. Am I worried about a music malfunction or the wrong color roses? Maybe a little. But overall...there is nothing about this day that will be imperfect...in it's own imperfectly perfect way anyway. Yeah...read that sentence again. I guess what I'm trying to say is that Jeff and I have no pretenses that this is THE be all and end all of days and that it must go PERFECTLY.
The nicest thing we've done...and that I keep reminding myself of every day that I do wedding planning...is to keep this as low-key and simple as possible. The centerpieces are not the focus. The bouquets are not the focus. Hell, even myself and the dress are not the focus. Instead, we want people to walk away from this wedding knowing how deeply we love each other, having had a fun and relaxing day, and knowing that they just witnessed something awesome...true love.
And nothing can ruin the feelings that we have...and the emotions that will be running high on that day.
Even the rain that is now being threatened....that's good luck anyway, right?
Ps.....I'll be starting a new blog once married....follow it here: www.ablilland.blogspot.com
As you are aware, I am getting married. The wedding is now 8 days away. Right now I'm sitting next to the fiance...talking about how insane this all is...and thinking about all the stuff that needs to be finished in 8 days. Well....7 really. Okay....6 to be perfectly honest. Day 7 is head to the venue and set everything up day.
Since I am currently without a job, I've been doing wedding work during the day. As Jeff usually keeps me company while I'm doing work...it gets kinda lonely when it's just me. So while he and I text I turn on the tv. And I find Bridezillas to be the most motivating wedding show to watch while I'm doing fun and crafty things for the wedding. Though, to be fair, My Big Redneck Wedding is a close second.
Watching the show makes me proud of how very unBridezilla-ish I am. And have been. This morning Jeff was telling me that when he went and purchased my wedding gift the people in the store asked if I was freaking out yet. I'm not. Which he told them.
People keep asking me the same thing. I'm aware that marriage is a HUGE commitment. I understand completely that this is a life changing event and that I will, from September 17th onward, be a wife and (step)mother and always have a companion to stay true to and love and honor and respect. I get it. And I couldn't be more excited.
The thing that makes me so calm and happy and not freaked out...I know this is right. There is not a single atom of me that says "don't do this." I have to admit that I've always had an obsession with weddings. I have been watching Bridezillas since it first premiered (anybody else remember the old beginning with an actual song and human as the bride?). Mom and Caitlyn and I would cram together and watch it...in Mom's bed...in Caitlyn's bed...in the living room. And we would all look at each other and murmur about how that was going to be me. I'm a drama queen. I like attention. And I used to be obsessed with having the perfect wedding.
It's just...it's not me as an actual bride-to-be because I'm just not stressed. Am I a little worried about details? Of course. But they'll get done because I genuinely am having so much fun adding these personal touches to our wedding day. Am I worried about a music malfunction or the wrong color roses? Maybe a little. But overall...there is nothing about this day that will be imperfect...in it's own imperfectly perfect way anyway. Yeah...read that sentence again. I guess what I'm trying to say is that Jeff and I have no pretenses that this is THE be all and end all of days and that it must go PERFECTLY.
The nicest thing we've done...and that I keep reminding myself of every day that I do wedding planning...is to keep this as low-key and simple as possible. The centerpieces are not the focus. The bouquets are not the focus. Hell, even myself and the dress are not the focus. Instead, we want people to walk away from this wedding knowing how deeply we love each other, having had a fun and relaxing day, and knowing that they just witnessed something awesome...true love.
And nothing can ruin the feelings that we have...and the emotions that will be running high on that day.
Even the rain that is now being threatened....that's good luck anyway, right?
Ps.....I'll be starting a new blog once married....follow it here: www.ablilland.blogspot.com
2011/09/07
Super Sparkle
Mood: sparkly, happy, excited
The wedding is now 10 days away. I just got off the phone with the maid of honor/sister and just when I think I can't get more excited about this wedding....I get more excited. I spent the morning working on more crafty little personal touches for the reception decor. One of the things that I absolutely hated about planning this wedding was searching for a guest book. Jeff and I couldn't find one we liked that we wanted to spend $50 or more dollars on. Even the cheapest ones are near $20 and they just have lines for people to sign names. Since our wedding is not huge,and is small and intimate, we wanted to keep this very "us" and very personal. So we decided to make one. Using a $10 artist sketchbook and $5 in lettered stickers and some stones I had laying around already....I've crafted this:
Though the iphone picutres aren't the best...I'm in love with how sparkly it is. I've done some candles that have the same feel...and now will be running out for another $4 box of rhinestones.
I have to say....while it feels totally weird to be unemployed, and it's more than a little scary...I'm loving the time that I have to actually be able to put these personal touches on our wedding. I was really afraid that I'd have all these awesome ideas and no time to pull them off. In terms of crafting I tend to start a million epic projects and finish maybe 2. For the wedding thus far...it's been so much fun doing all of this that none of it has felt like work. It's been....playing. For the vast majority Jeff has been sitting next to me or doing other things for the wedding while I'm crafting. This morning? Bridezillas was my companion....while Jeff worked and we texted.
What all this rambling leads to is the better thing I did for myself today: I realized that I am not only capable of finishing things...but that it feels great to see something through to the end. Granted, I'm not done with wedding preparations at all...but I may actually be a little sad when I am since it's been such an awesome experience.
The best thing about the wedding being in 10 days....even though I'll be finished planning a wedding....I'll be just beginning my life as Mrs. Lilland.
10 days and counting....
The wedding is now 10 days away. I just got off the phone with the maid of honor/sister and just when I think I can't get more excited about this wedding....I get more excited. I spent the morning working on more crafty little personal touches for the reception decor. One of the things that I absolutely hated about planning this wedding was searching for a guest book. Jeff and I couldn't find one we liked that we wanted to spend $50 or more dollars on. Even the cheapest ones are near $20 and they just have lines for people to sign names. Since our wedding is not huge,and is small and intimate, we wanted to keep this very "us" and very personal. So we decided to make one. Using a $10 artist sketchbook and $5 in lettered stickers and some stones I had laying around already....I've crafted this:
Though the iphone picutres aren't the best...I'm in love with how sparkly it is. I've done some candles that have the same feel...and now will be running out for another $4 box of rhinestones.
I have to say....while it feels totally weird to be unemployed, and it's more than a little scary...I'm loving the time that I have to actually be able to put these personal touches on our wedding. I was really afraid that I'd have all these awesome ideas and no time to pull them off. In terms of crafting I tend to start a million epic projects and finish maybe 2. For the wedding thus far...it's been so much fun doing all of this that none of it has felt like work. It's been....playing. For the vast majority Jeff has been sitting next to me or doing other things for the wedding while I'm crafting. This morning? Bridezillas was my companion....while Jeff worked and we texted.
What all this rambling leads to is the better thing I did for myself today: I realized that I am not only capable of finishing things...but that it feels great to see something through to the end. Granted, I'm not done with wedding preparations at all...but I may actually be a little sad when I am since it's been such an awesome experience.
The best thing about the wedding being in 10 days....even though I'll be finished planning a wedding....I'll be just beginning my life as Mrs. Lilland.
10 days and counting....
2011/09/04
Happy Anniversary....(Mom and Dad)
Mood: ...awkward pause....
So here's what I've learned during the engagement process. People love a bride. They love a groom. They love seeing a couple in love. People love a wedding and offering advice and congratulations.
And they will ask when the wedding is, sometimes they will ask where the wedding is, and 95% of the time....how long the bride and groom have been together. Thusly I have learned the following: people have no idea whatsoever how to react when they hear the bride and groom will be getting married six months to the day from first setting eyes on each other.
The inevitable response that follows is "well (awkward pause) I guess when you know, you know." It's true. And it would be cooler without the awkward pause...but I can't say that I hate the response. And I can't hold it against people. In a world of extended adolescence and subsequently stunted maturity...it's not unusual to hear of the 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 year relationship that started in or around college and just...never ended. Do those end in marriage? Some do. Some don't.
I'm not saying that's wrong. But either is getting married in a short period of time. My parents made it from first date to altar in 5 months. Is their marriage perfect? Far from it. But today, 13 days before Jeff and I commit to a life together my parents are celebrating 28 years of marriage. I admire that. And I hope that Jeff and I will celebrate 28 years....well....28 years from now.
There is certainly more that I've learned from the engagement process. I've loved every (okay...almost every) second of it. And I can't wait to be a bride...but mostly...I can't wait to be officially married and be Jeff's wife. It's completely surreal at this moment that this IS all happening...but I couldn't be happier.
So here's what I've learned during the engagement process. People love a bride. They love a groom. They love seeing a couple in love. People love a wedding and offering advice and congratulations.
And they will ask when the wedding is, sometimes they will ask where the wedding is, and 95% of the time....how long the bride and groom have been together. Thusly I have learned the following: people have no idea whatsoever how to react when they hear the bride and groom will be getting married six months to the day from first setting eyes on each other.
The inevitable response that follows is "well (awkward pause) I guess when you know, you know." It's true. And it would be cooler without the awkward pause...but I can't say that I hate the response. And I can't hold it against people. In a world of extended adolescence and subsequently stunted maturity...it's not unusual to hear of the 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 year relationship that started in or around college and just...never ended. Do those end in marriage? Some do. Some don't.
I'm not saying that's wrong. But either is getting married in a short period of time. My parents made it from first date to altar in 5 months. Is their marriage perfect? Far from it. But today, 13 days before Jeff and I commit to a life together my parents are celebrating 28 years of marriage. I admire that. And I hope that Jeff and I will celebrate 28 years....well....28 years from now.
There is certainly more that I've learned from the engagement process. I've loved every (okay...almost every) second of it. And I can't wait to be a bride...but mostly...I can't wait to be officially married and be Jeff's wife. It's completely surreal at this moment that this IS all happening...but I couldn't be happier.
2011/08/29
Baby Steps
Mood: ...moving on....slowly but surely
This feels totally surreal. I am writing my final blog from behind my desk. I honestly can't believe I even typed that sentence just now. It feels....weird. I suppose there is some relief. There is a TON of anxiety about finding another job....and I wish I could be advancing my career. But given the current economic climate, and my financial situation...I'll take just getting a job for right now.
And of course, there is excitement at getting to sleep next to my fiance for more than 2 nights out of a week. That's a definite plus to blogging behind the desk for the last time. But it just doesn't feel quite right. Perhaps it's because I'm still sitting with all my boxes around me...as a complete outsider it would be hard to tell if I was moving in or out at the moment. The shelves are mainly empty with the exception of the materials I've promised to leave behind. My desk drawers are cleaned out and have only the bare essential office supplies and those files that were here upon my arrival. And I can actually see the desk....which is...really unsettling to me honestly. It's really huge.
Quite honestly I've gotten my work done. I've made the contact lists, the notes, the curriculum is ordered. It's really just me waiting for a meeting at 7:00 now. Once that meeting is over...I'm...officially done. I've gotten my last paycheck (for the foreseeable future and the majority is already spoken for) and I've already said my goodbyes.
Which I suck at. By saying "goodbye" I really mean that I...well...I didn't really say goodbye at all. I held back a lot of tears. At some point they'll be falling...but not today. Maybe tonight. Who knows.
I don't have much to say at this point...I'm at a really uncomfortable place right now. Ready to move on but stuck until later this evening. As I'm incredibly impatient...this is about the worst case scenario that leaving this office could have been. Oh well.
I'll get through the meeting. And then I'll move on. If it's not too late I'll head to Jeff and cuddle up next to him and KNOW this is a necessary step towards our future together. If it's too late to drive 2.5 hours...I'll crash at my grandparents. Watch some shitty tv until I'm ready to pass out. Journal. Maybe cry. Probably eat some chocolate (they ALWAYS have candy) and generally indulge in "feel good" activities.
For today...being nice means packing up the office....and actually moving it into the car. And sitting with the discomfort that is uncertainty of the future. And knowing that I've made the right decision for myself and my new family.
Amen.
This feels totally surreal. I am writing my final blog from behind my desk. I honestly can't believe I even typed that sentence just now. It feels....weird. I suppose there is some relief. There is a TON of anxiety about finding another job....and I wish I could be advancing my career. But given the current economic climate, and my financial situation...I'll take just getting a job for right now.
And of course, there is excitement at getting to sleep next to my fiance for more than 2 nights out of a week. That's a definite plus to blogging behind the desk for the last time. But it just doesn't feel quite right. Perhaps it's because I'm still sitting with all my boxes around me...as a complete outsider it would be hard to tell if I was moving in or out at the moment. The shelves are mainly empty with the exception of the materials I've promised to leave behind. My desk drawers are cleaned out and have only the bare essential office supplies and those files that were here upon my arrival. And I can actually see the desk....which is...really unsettling to me honestly. It's really huge.
Quite honestly I've gotten my work done. I've made the contact lists, the notes, the curriculum is ordered. It's really just me waiting for a meeting at 7:00 now. Once that meeting is over...I'm...officially done. I've gotten my last paycheck (for the foreseeable future and the majority is already spoken for) and I've already said my goodbyes.
Which I suck at. By saying "goodbye" I really mean that I...well...I didn't really say goodbye at all. I held back a lot of tears. At some point they'll be falling...but not today. Maybe tonight. Who knows.
I don't have much to say at this point...I'm at a really uncomfortable place right now. Ready to move on but stuck until later this evening. As I'm incredibly impatient...this is about the worst case scenario that leaving this office could have been. Oh well.
I'll get through the meeting. And then I'll move on. If it's not too late I'll head to Jeff and cuddle up next to him and KNOW this is a necessary step towards our future together. If it's too late to drive 2.5 hours...I'll crash at my grandparents. Watch some shitty tv until I'm ready to pass out. Journal. Maybe cry. Probably eat some chocolate (they ALWAYS have candy) and generally indulge in "feel good" activities.
For today...being nice means packing up the office....and actually moving it into the car. And sitting with the discomfort that is uncertainty of the future. And knowing that I've made the right decision for myself and my new family.
Amen.
2011/08/23
Where's the Glass?
Mood: meh.
Facebook tells me that one year ago today I updated my status with the following quote:
I find it slightly disheartening that exactly a year later...I understand that statement again. I could definitely go into the millions of ways my life has changed (25 days until the wedding!!!) but I don't need to. And sometimes changes, even those for the better, will have negative consequences.
So today I find myself exactly where I was a year ago...facing the transition out of one job...only this time around I don't have one to move in to. Scary. And I'm once again getting ready for a move. Overwhelming.
And while these good things have indeed brought an immeasurable amount of happiness and love into my life...like I said...there's always another side to the story. "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." God, I love science.
What I find myself struggling with today is how, exactly, to go about righting the wrongs...when I can't do it on my own. I believe we exist in relation to other things, other people, other ideas....we are and we interact with the constant idea of "other." And I love that. It keeps life interesting. Complex. Rich. Entertaining. But it can also create a myriad of problems. What do you do when the "other" doesn't want to exist in relation to you anymore? I pose the question because I have no way of answering it...and am beyond stressed and anxious and miserable looking for an acceptable answer.
I suppose it's times like this when we sit. And we wait. And in the midst of all the crappy feelings...we look for that damn glass so we can fill it...or empty it...but at least have a sense of who and where we are. Sometimes...patience is the greatest and nicest thing we can hope to practice.
Facebook tells me that one year ago today I updated my status with the following quote:
My mom tells me I see the glass as half empty. Personally, one day, I just hope to see the glass.
I find it slightly disheartening that exactly a year later...I understand that statement again. I could definitely go into the millions of ways my life has changed (25 days until the wedding!!!) but I don't need to. And sometimes changes, even those for the better, will have negative consequences.
So today I find myself exactly where I was a year ago...facing the transition out of one job...only this time around I don't have one to move in to. Scary. And I'm once again getting ready for a move. Overwhelming.
And while these good things have indeed brought an immeasurable amount of happiness and love into my life...like I said...there's always another side to the story. "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." God, I love science.
What I find myself struggling with today is how, exactly, to go about righting the wrongs...when I can't do it on my own. I believe we exist in relation to other things, other people, other ideas....we are and we interact with the constant idea of "other." And I love that. It keeps life interesting. Complex. Rich. Entertaining. But it can also create a myriad of problems. What do you do when the "other" doesn't want to exist in relation to you anymore? I pose the question because I have no way of answering it...and am beyond stressed and anxious and miserable looking for an acceptable answer.
I suppose it's times like this when we sit. And we wait. And in the midst of all the crappy feelings...we look for that damn glass so we can fill it...or empty it...but at least have a sense of who and where we are. Sometimes...patience is the greatest and nicest thing we can hope to practice.
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