My Inner Princess

Mood:  eh...

Growing up sucks.  My friends post things on their Facebook like "nobody promised it'd be easy, they just promised it'd be worth it" and I want to believe that but I find...well I'm a bit more pessimistic.  Some days.  Today is one of those days.  I'm doing "grown up" things that frankly, I should have been doing years ago but it's just my style to procrastinate.  Why do today what can be put off until...well it HAS to be done?  That WAS my motto anyway.  Now I'm getting more proactive not reactive and I kinda like the feeling.  The whole "helping myself" thing...it's kind of nice.

But it comes at a price.  And today that price was my dignity.  You might not know this about me but I have a severe issue when it comes to asking for help.  Financial, emotional, physical needs...I equate needing help with being weak.  And that might not be such a bad thing...if it didn't prevent me from getting help that I need sometimes.  It's ingrained in me that I should be enough on my own and let's face it...that's a freaking tough life.  So as I'm changing a lot of my life...I'm asking for help along the way.  

It's humbling...especially when it's external help.  Getting help from outside sources that are designed to help can be embarrassing, horrifying, and downright humiliating.  That being said...at this point in my life it's necessary and so I went today and asked for help.  Applications in place, spirit destroyed I came home.  As I was preparing to eat an indulgent and necessary lunch I spied a tiara (yes I have a random tiara) laying on a desk.  And, as I changed from work clothes to sweatpants, I slipped it on my head to remind myself of my inner princess.

While I may not be a princess...I am.  If that makes sense.  And some days I need to remind myself that not only am I a human being but I AM a princess in my own right.  And I deserve to be treated with respect and dignity and love.  And if I can't receive that from others, I'll treat myself as such.  And some days, that might mean wearing a tiara.