Mood: something good, something bad, something good
I was not looking forward to today. I'll be honest...I'm not looking forward to pretty much the next 10 days straight. Except for next Friday when I get to hang out at Six Flags with the kids all day. That will be pretty epic. Unless of course, since I'm the "old" leader, I get to ride all the rides stag or with a random stranger. That would be un-epic.
The next 10 days consists of the Sr. High mission trip. I've only been on one mission trip before in my entire 27 years. And I've certainly never been responsible for one. The planning, the organizing, the fundraising, the recruiting, the packing (and let me just say it's hard enough for me to pack for myself let alone with 10 kids in mind....). It's been an overwhelming and lonely process from the start. And spending this long away from the fiance....I know you're probably gagging....but honestly? I'm pretty freaked out about it. I know that I'll end up learning a ton. And there is bound to be some pretty great memories given this group of kids.
It's just...as I sat in my office today...I started to hate my office. My job. My work. Everything about where I physically was. I hated it. Then one of my kids came into my office. He's on break from working at the Presbyterian camp for the summer. He came bearing presents (even though he KNOWS I'm trying to count calories for the wedding dress....and honeymoon)...
We did not eat them all...nor even half. As I have a weakness for anything pink...that was by far the favorite. Name = Pink Princess. White chocolate....strawberry. Pink white chocolate curls and, you can't tell, but edible glitter. Uh....made for me and I soooooooooo loved it.
Anyway. It's this kind of thing...not the presents really...it's more the kids stopping in randomly that reminds me why I do my job. That remind me why I LOVE my job. I don't do it because I love being Presbyterian (I'm not and I would dislike it very much...waaaaaaaaaaaay too many rules for Ashley). I don't do it because this church is so amazingly awesome that I just can't not be there. I certainly don't do it for the money.
I do it for the youth. For the younger kids who are looking at who they may want to be...and beyond that who they CAN be. For the middle school/junior high kids that are trying so hard to fit in in that not a kid/not an adult stage. For the senior high that needs a place free from judgment, where they can be heard and still loved. And where they can look at the next step with somebody that can hold their hand objectively, tenderly, and willingly. THAT is why I do my job. THAT is why I want to continue to do this work.
So, can I handle 10 days straight? I suppose we'll find out. I do know this much...I can do nearly anything I put my mind to. I've been told this since I was a little kid, and some days I believe it. Jeff....watching me come completely undone as I prepare for this trip...reminds me constantly that I'll get through it...and I'll rock it. I may not rock it...but I feel completely positive that I will survive. I'll get through it. And when I get back....Harry Potter. Which Jeff has promised to catch up on (uhhhh....that means watching all 7....) and then take me to the day I return.
My nice thing for today? Remembering that sometimes, it's not what we think we can do...but what others KNOW we can. When we get overwhelmed...sometimes we need to let people tell us that we CAN and WILL do great things. Because if they believe it...why shouldn't we? And thinking positively doesn't only not hurt...but it can change the course of your entire life. My ring and subsequent engagement is tangible proof.
Mood: we could live like Jack and Sally if we want....
I have no idea why random Blink songs keep popping into my head as I start to blog...but I do miss the boyfriend. Kinda a whole lot. Considering we've been apart for about 15 hours...it's slightly odd that I miss him THIS much...but here we are. Anyway...
This whole going a week without blogging thing is happening a bit too often for my liking. I was totally planning on writing a blog Thursday about my sister and how awesome she is (she turned 24 on Thursday....crappy birthday sis!) but between wishing my sister a happy (crappy) birthday, phone calls, work, e-mails, more phone calls, more work, planning things I cannot share at this juncture, more e-mails and then a smidge more work.....the blog just never materialized. Friday I was soooooooooooo going to blog about how I conquered my fear of making soups. And honestly I have no idea why the thought of soup freaked me out so much...it's pretty much the easiest thing ever. I suppose though, that having NEVER made a soup from scratch and having to make one for 75 people was part of the issue...
So, I was going to blog about that as the soup simmered and I did some mindless work...but then there were text messages and phone calls and people coming in and out of the church (which means I'm forced to be cordial and friendly and not ignore them)...so the blog didn't happen. And Saturday was my only day off this weekend and I spent it with the boyfriend...and his AMAZING son. Also going to see House of Pain cause....clearly that's something I've always wanted to do. Especially the night before Palm Sunday...when the senior high was responsible for serving aforementioned soup. After they had prom on Saturday. Horrible idea. An exhausted youth leader + exhausted kids = absolute randomness...but I hear the dinner was greatly appreciated. I'll ask for details tomorrow as I will most likely wake up in the morning assuming that all of today has been a dream. I'm THAT exhausted.
And while you, dear reader, don't really need to know any of this...this blog is, ultimately, about me. And damn it...I can write about all the random crap I want to. Which is my nice thing for today. I was the absolute worst (or best) procrastinator from elementary school through college. It got way harder to do so in grad school. And while most of my work still gets done at the last minute (I work best under pressure) I've gotten better about not doing EVERYTHING last minute. The thing is...once I've pushed something off I feel the need for whatever happens when I finally get around to doing it, to be epic. This blog for example. Every time that I've pushed it off this week...it makes the next post that much harder.
The truth is I rarely have anything of mass importance to say. But it is important to me to write. So even if this was merely the incoherent ramblings of somebody going on roughly 6 hours of sleep (which is not enough to deal with both House of Pain AND senior high children) to those reading it...it was much more for me. And it's done. And I put no pressure on the outcome...which was my nicest thing of all today.
If you managed to stick with this up until now....thanks...and congrats. I hope your week was as amazing as mine was...even if it was incredibly busy. And now....sleep.
Yeah...you read that right. (And daddy you CAN keep reading...I promise). Today I had a meeting with other Christian educators in the area. There were 5 of us. 3 are married...2 of us are single. 3 have a seminary degree...I have 2/3...and one had no formal education. 2 have kids....3 of us don't. That's an incredibly cursory glance at who we are.
As the conversations progressed, sex and the church came up. One of the educators is in the midst of a two month conversation with middle/high school students on sexuality. The idea is to promote a healthy awareness of sex...it's dangers, implications, ways to express it...all from both an emotional and physical viewpoint. She had said she wanted to discuss pornography with the kids, but decided she didn't want a lawsuit. We all laughed but then had a discussion on the subject of what is and isn't safe to talk about in a church. With children...and adults.
Here's why I'm sharing this on my blog...it's my nice thing for today. Not that I talked about sex...but that I'm doing part of what I think the church needs to do. I'm talking about it.
See, as a 26 year old single woman who happens to be employed by a church there are several stereotypes. The only one I am going to discuss (at least in this post) is the one that employees of the church fall into one of two categories: prude or sexual deviant. How did that even start? (I'm looking at you naughty priests....). I joke but in all seriousness, why can't we just be normal people with a healthy attitude about sex and sexuality? Why must we be one or the other? And I get this from every single potential date (or on the first date) that I talk to. There's always the "oh you work in the church" discussion. And there's always me trying to prove that I can be a sexual creature despite my job. Which gets old and annoying and isn't me, because there is more to me than a sexual being.
Anyway...point is. One of the educators jumped down her throat for suggesting mentioning pornography to the kids. I applauded her. If we don't talk about sex and all the aspects of human sexuality...including the dirty, messy ones (hahaha...messy.....) then the stereotypes and negativity continue. The more you educate the less there is to be afraid of. The less there is to hide. And I'm not saying sit down and watch a Ron Jeremy special with your high school youth group...but at least acknowledge that it exists. And that it's not inherently evil in nature.
They say knowledge is power. And the church is trying...or I keep hearing anyway...to embrace that. But until we acknowledge who we are...we can't tell our kids who we want them to be. Or who they can be. Or who they can't be.
It takes an honest person to acknowledge his/her sexuality in a church. And I don't intend on going to my next youth group meeting and swapping tips or advice...but I'm not going to ignore the subject either. Though...I am in a precarious position as a SINGLE woman...but that's for another day.
I hear that Jesus came to our world to understand and partake in our every human experience. I think it was...maybe the Bible that told me this? So even if you believe Jesus was completely chaste and pure...you have to admit the man at least had urges...he did, after all, experience the human life. I mean...ultimately it wasn't for him so...
No seriously. That was probably blasphemous. But...in a very sacred and special way I urge you to be honest with yourself about who you are. Sexually and otherwise. And let people get to know THAT person...not what role you think you SHOULD play. Let that be your nice thing. I promise it will yield true happiness.
Also as a nice thing...seriously watch this video...I mean when was the last time you heard this song? Oh the early 90s.....enjoy!
