I was not looking forward to today. I'll be honest...I'm not looking forward to pretty much the next 10 days straight. Except for next Friday when I get to hang out at Six Flags with the kids all day. That will be pretty epic. Unless of course, since I'm the "old" leader, I get to ride all the rides stag or with a random stranger. That would be un-epic.
The next 10 days consists of the Sr. High mission trip. I've only been on one mission trip before in my entire 27 years. And I've certainly never been responsible for one. The planning, the organizing, the fundraising, the recruiting, the packing (and let me just say it's hard enough for me to pack for myself let alone with 10 kids in mind....). It's been an overwhelming and lonely process from the start. And spending this long away from the fiance....I know you're probably gagging....but honestly? I'm pretty freaked out about it. I know that I'll end up learning a ton. And there is bound to be some pretty great memories given this group of kids.
It's just...as I sat in my office today...I started to hate my office. My job. My work. Everything about where I physically was. I hated it. Then one of my kids came into my office. He's on break from working at the Presbyterian camp for the summer. He came bearing presents (even though he KNOWS I'm trying to count calories for the wedding dress....and honeymoon)...
We did not eat them all...nor even half. As I have a weakness for anything pink...that was by far the favorite. Name = Pink Princess. White chocolate....strawberry. Pink white chocolate curls and, you can't tell, but edible glitter. Uh....made for me and I soooooooooo loved it.
Anyway. It's this kind of thing...not the presents really...it's more the kids stopping in randomly that reminds me why I do my job. That remind me why I LOVE my job. I don't do it because I love being Presbyterian (I'm not and I would dislike it very much...waaaaaaaaaaaay too many rules for Ashley). I don't do it because this church is so amazingly awesome that I just can't not be there. I certainly don't do it for the money.
I do it for the youth. For the younger kids who are looking at who they may want to be...and beyond that who they CAN be. For the middle school/junior high kids that are trying so hard to fit in in that not a kid/not an adult stage. For the senior high that needs a place free from judgment, where they can be heard and still loved. And where they can look at the next step with somebody that can hold their hand objectively, tenderly, and willingly. THAT is why I do my job. THAT is why I want to continue to do this work.
So, can I handle 10 days straight? I suppose we'll find out. I do know this much...I can do nearly anything I put my mind to. I've been told this since I was a little kid, and some days I believe it. Jeff....watching me come completely undone as I prepare for this trip...reminds me constantly that I'll get through it...and I'll rock it. I may not rock it...but I feel completely positive that I will survive. I'll get through it. And when I get back....Harry Potter. Which Jeff has promised to catch up on (uhhhh....that means watching all 7....) and then take me to the day I return.
My nice thing for today? Remembering that sometimes, it's not what we think we can do...but what others KNOW we can. When we get overwhelmed...sometimes we need to let people tell us that we CAN and WILL do great things. Because if they believe it...why shouldn't we? And thinking positively doesn't only not hurt...but it can change the course of your entire life. My ring and subsequent engagement is tangible proof.
