It's never been easy to take Malcolm back to his mother's. I have always had a deep hatred for Sunday nights...since I was in 4th grade or so. I get anxious, I get sad, I get really stuck inside my own head. I've written about it before. No sense beating a dead horse.
Annnnnnyway. Like I said, it is NEVER fun to drive Malcolm an hour away and say goodbye. Especially since we won't get to see him for another 2 weeks. I've been stuck with that thought all day...the waiting to say goodbye. And I really didn't want to be stuck with that cause I had that feeling all week last week. The second I saw my parents Monday afternoon it was a constant battle in my head between enjoying the moment in front of me and wallowing in pity that saying goodbye was imminent and quickly approaching. Wednesday I lost the battle between wallowing and was an irresponsible idiot...but the rest of the week I managed to at least wage the internal war.
Now that Jeff and I have had to say goodbye and returned to our normal routine I can't help but get stuck in the feeling of goodbye. It sucks and I'm horrible at them. I hate saying goodbye. I hate feeling goodbye. I hate picking up and moving on when all I want to do is cry and scream about how it's not fair to have sooooooooooo much love around and have to let go of it all sometimes. Physically, that is.
I've gone back and forth about blogging today. I don't like to blog when I'm really stuck inside my head. When I really can't stop the depressing thoughts. When all I can feel is a constant tightness in my throat and chest and the tears burning my eyes. But it isn't fair for me to expect I can only blog happy (or the new/old blog would have been more successful...) so I decided to go ahead and write tonight.
I have Jeff and that in itself is something to be insanely giddy about. And, I have the list of 101 goals I hope to accomplish in the next 1001 (999 since I already started) days. Here it is readers. Enjoy!
101 in
1001
Long-term
goals
Start
Date: July 6, 2012
End
Date: March 30, 2015
1.
Start blogging again
2.
Maintain blog
3.
Pray in color regularly
4.
Start and KEEP a new journal until it is
full. Start a new one when that is full.
5.
Become a biological mother (if it is in God’s
plan)
6.
Add a Pomeranian to the family
7.
Be settled (everything out of boxes) into our
first house
8.
Host a holiday party in our first home
9.
Take Jeff and Malcolm to New York City during
Christmas time
10. Find a
place to worship
11.
Make a statement necklace by myself
12. Completely
reread the Bible
13. Lose and
keep off 30 pounds
14. Make “safe
for Jeff” chocolate chip cookies
15.
Enroll in a graduate program
16. Make a
piece of clothing by hand
17.
Create a family calendar to send to parents at
the holidays
18. Write a
Christmas/holiday letter and cards for 2012 and mail to all people on our
wedding invite list ON TIME
19. Make a “Lilland”
piece of art to hang on the walls in our house
20. Put wedding
photos in frames and display
21. Visit the
capitol building in Des Moines
22. Get lines
of my heart tattoo cleaned up
23. Purchase
and relearn how to use a sewing machine
24. Read an
entire book on marriage
25. Get rid
of (permanently) clothes that have not been worn in 3 months or more
26. Spend a
day organizing make-up and cleaning brushes and bags…give away all colors that
have never been or will not be worn
27. Learn how
to make mom’s Irish stew by heart
28. Find a
method to control nail polish storage clutter
29. Become a
member at a gym
30. Find a
couple with whom we can double date
31. Plan a
romantic weekend for Jeff and I
32. Continue
moving forward in career…no moving backward no matter how scary or hard going
forward is
33. Bake homemade
bread
34. Refurbish
at least one piece of furniture for living space
35. Make throw
pillows by myself
36. Purchase
the entire Scrubs series on DVD
37. Visit
Myth lounge in Omaha with Jeff
38. Master
making pie crust and bake an apple pie from scratch in the fall
39. Get a
couples massage with Jeff
40. Write something
with Jeff
41. Reread the
entire Harry Potter series
42. Dedicate
one month to cleaning something every single day
43. Learn how
to make an authentic Indian curry
44. Develop
a family emergency binder and emergency preparedness kit
45. Take dance
lessons
46. Spend a
weekend in Vegas with Jeff
47. Find a
style of meditation that works for me
48. See a
ballet in person
49. Transfer
contacts from online storage to handwritten leather address book
50. Make a
glittered Starbucks cup
51.
Spend a day skiing
52. Play a
game of miniature golf
53. Learn how
to prepare hollandaise sauce
54. Make an
entire dinner out of appetizers
55. Use chik-fil-a
recipe for Malcolm and Jeff on a weekend
56. Whiten my
teeth
57. Spend one
month doing Pilates every single day
58. Attend
a yoga class
59. Make a
traditional Irish dinner
60. Decide on
a charity with Jeff to donate to
61. Take Malcolm
to Adventureland and ride roller coasters
62. Make my
own homemade body scrub
63. Read a
book on managing personal finances
64. Write creatively
every day for a month
65. Spend one
week without facebook
66. Buy an
investment little black dress
67. Participate
in a 5k
68. Invest in
a new flat iron
69. Avoid fast
food for one month
70. Donate blood
71.
Go shopping for antiques on a Saturday
72. Bake and
decorate Christmas cookies with Malcolm
73. Craft
my own wire knot ring
74. Buy a
classic, red Chanel lipstick
75. Watch the
Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade
76. Visit the
Iowa State Fair
77. Go to
Tulip Time in Pella and send Dutch letters home to Pennsylvania
78. Get a
kitten for Malcolm
79. Learn how
to curl my own hair with a flat iron
80.Spend one month doing random
acts of kindness for strangers
81. Read “Love
Wins” by Rob Bell
82. Tour a
brewery
83. Beat Super
Mario Bros. on Wii
84. Learn how
to play chess
85. Send a
piece of writing in for publication
86. Attend a
KU men’s basketball game in Lawrence at Allen Fieldhouse
87. Watch the
original “Star Wars”
88.Color every page in a coloring
book…even if I don’t like the picture
89. Buy a
pair of Tom’s
90. Wake up
and take a random day trip to an unplanned destination
91. Upcycle
a pair of old flared jeans to make them a colored skinny pair
92. Locate a
ballet class or order DVDs online and start ballet again
93. Finish reading
“An Altar in the World” by Barbara Brown Taylor
94. Spend a
weekend going through wardrobe and get rid of sloppy, college clothes to start
putting together a more polished one
95. Find an
organization to volunteer with
96. Spend an
afternoon at a winery
97. Take a
self-defense class
98. Redesign
and personalize blog to increase traffic
99. Spend one
month getting up earlier to stretch, and put together a polished look each day
100.
Send out all Christmas 2012 presents BEFORE
Christmas
101.
Break addiction to caffeine gradually
I would love to be a part of some of these!! Especially the craft ones, the winery one, and definitely the mini golf one :) - Lauren
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