Mood: "the words she served destroyed my planet...."
When I was younger I remember my mother and father telling me that rights are not the same as privileges. This confused me because the words are quite often used either in conjunction or interchangeably. In fact, I just visited Merriam Webster where I read the word "right" in the very definition of the word "privilege."
The concept has stuck with me, however. I still struggle with what exactly the two words are...and what things in my life are rights versus privileges. The obvious things, the right to free speech, the right to vote...those things absolutely are still privileges. Then there are things that I'm not sure are often considered as rights or privileges. Like family.
I've been stuck in my head for a week and I keep coming back to the idea of family as a right. Everybody has the RIGHT to a family, right? Biological or not, we all surround ourselves with people that constitute, for us, a family. I've just started navigating living with two families as I'm still newly married...and it's incredibly tricky. It's complicated and messy, but I suppose nearly everything gets this way where family is concerned.
I've been wrestling with the idea that family isn't a right, but rather a privilege. Something for which you must work. If you want to belong to a family, you must respect and cherish those with whom you wish to associate. If we take the idea of family for granted, and treat "family" people as merely obstacles to living life our way...then...well...we're kind of left with nothing.
Having two families is confusing at best. It's hard. And it's confusing. But so is growing up. Your allegiances change. I always knew this was destined to happen...even for me who is still trying to stay as young as possible. It's an inevitability that families change. They are not static. As every living thing grows and changes, so does family. Not everybody moves in the same direction at the same time, and sometimes family doesn't always change for the better.
It is in this spirit that I write today. I am heartbroken. Confused. I feel isolated, and unwanted. It sucks to feel this way under any circumstances, but in what should be a happy time...it makes me feel exponentially worse. I know that people change. I know that we all grow up and move on. I just never imagined that blood relations could be so...callous. So calculated and cold.
I have debated for days now on whether to post my feelings on my blog. The sheer desertion and pain that I am experiencing. After crying and discerning for some time, I decided that it's not fair for me to hide how I feel, especially as those involved have already been told. Life is full of surprises, and even the best ones can have negative impacts. On the flip side, every negative has to have a positive, right?
As of now, I have a very bleak view of my current situation and I have virtually no hope that it will change. I do have hope, though, for my future. Because each trial must make us all stronger. And from each challenge comes a growth. Besides, it's high time that I learn NOT to give so much power to hurtful people in my life. Lesson learned the incredibly hard way.
