This Is My Story

Mood:  contemplative

Yesterday in church we sang Blessed Assurance hence the title of the blog.  I've had a rough week at work...and I've been doing a lot of questioning about myself and my abilities.  Church is an emotional place for me anyway...I FEEL worship...I don't just sit there.  And I've been really missing family and since my mom works in the church and as a child it was a family thing...the feelings of loss of childhood and innocence and missing home just intensify.  And while singing...I got so choked up that I couldn't sing and tears were threatening to take over.  Just as they are now.

So rather than cry (which I have no shame in doing in church) I tried to refocus myself.  I couldn't get emotional yesterday since I had meetings, and socialization...the whole working in a church thing is a blessing and a curse when it comes to personal worship.  And my blog title was born.  And the blog was in infancy.


It's been a few days since I have blogged.  I've been doing nice things...but in the past few days I've been having a hard time remembering that I deserve to do nice things for myself.  And today it's the blog.

This is my story:  I'm confused...I'm sometimes in pain...I question myself and lose confidence.  I allow others to tell me who I am and what I can/can't do...and sometimes I allow that to be my opinion as well.  Some days I don't want to get out of bed.  Some days I want to dance and sing and play in the snow (YES THERE IS ALREADY SNOW)...and some days I just want quiet time to myself.  I'm 26 and finally growing up.  I'm learning lessons I probably should have years ago...but better late than never, right?  And I'm trying EVERY day to remind myself that I am my own worst enemy...and that beating myself up does nothing...that harming myself with negative thoughts simply keeps me chained and unable to truly live a life filled with positivity and love.  THAT is my story...


And this is my song: