Crazier...

Mood:  ...you lift my feet off the ground, and spin me around....




Honestly, where is the time going?  I can't believe that it's been 2 weeks since I last blogged.  Every time I type that "it's been" sentence, I feel like I'm entering confession.  Fun story, could have this weekend at the Religious Arts Museum that Jeff and I stopped at in Logan on our way home from Omaha...but there was no priest to absolve my sins.  Anyway.  


Jeff and I just spent the longest amount of time together that we EVER have as a couple.  Second fun story of the blog, we're getting married in just over 3 months....and we JUST spent a full 4 days together.  Counting Thursday night and tonight....it's 6 days...but those are just hanging out and playing Wii nights.  This marriage is insane, right?  I'm of the belief that it is.  The fiance completely agrees.  The really awesome thing about this being crazy though, is how okay we both are with it.


I just wasted a good hour or so on Facebook checking in on people who came up in my newsfeed that I haven't thought of or heard from in a long time.  Some in....since high school really.  One thing I'm really, REALLY good at...torturing myself.  I used to sit and stare at wedding pictures, baby pictures, hell graduation pics (since I left grad school sans the actual masters.....) and stare for hours wondering what I had done to screw my life up so badly.  I mean...on my BEST days I could make myself feel like the most worthless person for not being married, or having children, or being able to put on a stole and bless communion elements.  


The really awesome thing about meeting Jeff?  The "mistakes" and the "should have" moments have pretty much disappeared.  Of course I see a baby and swoon a little...but that IS in the picture (at some point in the future that is) for me now.  It's so damn easy to be a critic of oneself...when what one really needs is a cheerleader.  And can I just say...I have found the best damn cheerleader in the world.  He would look...kinda ridiculous in the traditional uniform...but his metaphorical pom poms kick ass.


I said that both Jeff and I are okay with the amount of insanity that is going from meeting to marrying in 6 months.  That's been a truth the whole time.  What I learned this weekend, though, is that Jeff is apparently also okay with the amount of insanity that is ME.  And I am.  Crazy.  I'm impatient and silly.  I suck at making decisions, and I sing ALMOST constantly....which I managed to hide for some time now...but he's okay with it.  And...beyond okay...he can play Wii without wanting to strangle me, and laugh at my screeching in the car as "singing" to Journey.  


This weekend I learned that I am more madly in love with this man than I was even aware of.  For the rest of my life, when I set out to beat myself up, I will have somebody there to block me...and remind me of just how awesome I am.  I feel so incredibly fortunate to not only have found a man that I love more than I thought I would ever be able to...but one that I like a hell of a lot too.


I guess the nice thing for today...is just the blog.  It stands on it's own.  It's a huge deal...for me at least...to have allowed somebody into my life.  Fully.  Without question.  Or hesitation.  And I KNOW we'll have our moments.  But I also KNOW that we'll get through them.  Because at the end of the day...we love each other.  We like each other...and sometimes...a little crazy isn't such a bad thing. It can be...in fact...the most beautiful thing in the world.