To Every Thing

Mood: .....there is a season....




So I was going to blog yesterday.  Totally planned on it.  But...my plans changed completely at the last second.  As I was sitting here thinking about that, I realized that this happens to me constantly.  The thing that surprises me about MY plans constantly changing?  I'm not much of a planner.


I'll admit it....I was totally the cause of Jeff and I's first fight.  I...the next word is KEY here....SUGGESTED that we go to dinner then go see Bridesmaids.  But after dinner and a glass of wine (okay 2) I didn't really feel like sitting through a movie....so I changed to bowling.  Then movie again.  Then bowling.  Jeff was not so much a fan of me up and changing the plans....9 times...while we were in the car on the way to both places (ooops).  I'm kinda like my dad that way....I think of things I want to do AFTER having decided what I'm GOING to do.  It can be totally annoying...but I mean...our date night wasn't a contracted agreement or anything.  Anyway....that was a few weeks ago and we totally made it through.  In fact...we still plan on getting married.  And beyond plan on...are still super excited about it.  


But this blog isn't about Jeff and I's first fight.  It's about....CHANGE.  What a crazy surprise I know...since pretty much every 3rd blog post involves the subject of change and I.  What can I say?  It's a huge thing.  I hate and yet welcome it at every opportunity.  I was honored to be invited to my future sister-in-law's graduation from dental school (CONGRATS!!!!) this past Friday.  I have ALWAYS loved graduations.  Mine, my mother's from seminary, friends', my future sister-in-law's.  There's something about the ritual that is just beautiful to me.  But every time I attend one, especially since leaving seminary, I can't help but feel a little sad.  As much as I hate to admit this...there's a part of me that's completely and utterly disappointed and disgusted that I left graduate school without being hooded or having a degree to display.

The second that thought occurred to me at the sister-in-law's graduation...I mentally punched myself in the face.  Actually doing so would have caused a scene and frankly...I don't need to make a scene in front of the future fam.  I'm enough of a scene myself.  So...I mentally beat the crap out of myself, cause...if I HAD graduated from seminary...then I wouldn't have been watching Jeff's sister graduate from dental school.  I wouldn't have enjoyed a night out drinking martinis with Dr. Sister-in-Law (as she shall now be referred to until it's just Dr. Sister), and a day full of playing in the park with the future stepson and husband.  And honestly?  There is NOWHERE in the world that I would have rather been this weekend.  NOWHERE.  Not even Orlaaaaaaaaaaaaaaando (uh....Book of Mormon reference...most amazing Broadway show EVER). 


Like I said...I'm not much of a planner.  Anymore anyway.  I've mentioned before that in my high school yearbook my future plans read:  "at the moment I plan on attending a four year college and pursuing my Master of Divinity (become a pastor)."  I used to plan everything.  When I was with THE ex I had our wedding planned....even though I knew somewhere inside that we wouldn't make it to see any of those plans to fruition.  I planned when I would have children.  Where I would be working after completing my Masters.  And when...at my own hands...all those plans fell to pieces...I was...lost.  And I decided to kind of just...go with the flow.  It's a lame saying, but I'm being serious.  And while there are times when plans should stick (dates and such...the wedding for one...) there are times where it's totally okay to just let things happen as they're going to.  Does that mean I'm not planning a future?  On the contrary.  I'm just not letting my planning get in the way of actually living for once.  And that feels pretty damn good.