I'm On the Right Track

Mood:  we're all born superstars


So it's been 2 weeks since I blogged.  Unacceptable.  Especially given the fact that my other writing has ceased also.  I try to journal every single day...even if it's just a few words.  I like to do creative writing....which is often an extension of the journaling....a few times a week.  And the goal was to blog nice things daily.  Then it turned it to a few times a week...and now...uh

And I could give you the "I'm soooooooooo busy" spiel cause it's not a lie.  I've spent 2 nights at my apartment in the last week and a half...but that's still not an excuse for not taking time to write.  As tired as I am....I've been up since 6 and worked with Sr. High kids tonight....I felt that I had to write tonight.  My nice thing for myself is to write for a dear friend....not me.

The thing is...sometimes we get so busy and so wrapped up in everything that is going on around us that we forget to tend to what is going on in us.  And that sucks.  Cause when you finally do.....that's A LOT to deal with.  Even if it's all happy stuff.

I went home last week and as I'm now engaged, wedding planning took up the majority of my time.  Don't get me wrong...I loved every single second of it...but I had this 2 year old meltdown in the wedding aisle at Micheal's.  Why?  Even I'm not entirely sure.  I had my whole family surrounding and supporting me...but everybody has different ideas.  And Jeff was in Iowa...and...I was tired...and hungry...and happy...and a freaking tsunami of emotion hit me and I fell into my mom's shoulder.  I couldn't help it.  I'm a 27 year old soon to be married woman and I stood in the middle of a craft store sobbing into my mother's embrace.

But I felt great after a little cry.  I couldn't contain everything that was inside me.  And I try.  I was born that way.  Sometimes though...even if it's a piece of paper and a pen....or a best friend...something else has to feel the enormity of your emotion.  Humans aren't meant to be alone.  And I LOVE my alone time.  But we can't get out of life alive...well....no matter what we do....but with some enjoyment if we don't let other people carry some of our stuff.

No matter how you were born...you weren't born to handle everything that comes your way by yourself.  Hell even Jesus had 12 dudes (and women...but don't get me started on that) helping him out.  And God?  Pfffff...the Bible is full of his little helper monkeys.  

I started this incoherent rambling because I thought I was writing for a friend...but I realized that my nice thing was to recognize....in what I thought to be her burden....that I have a flaw myself.  And writing to all my random readers about it makes the load a little lighter to carry.  Writing tonight put me back on track...helped center me...and reminded me what's important to me.

So take some time for yourself.  Know what you are, who you are, and where you are.  And if blogging or coloring of a shower or a nap doesn't help...I mean...you can always just numb your senses...I've provided the following video for brain numbing....enjoy!

Jesus and Lady Gaga...Baby, They Were Born This Way....

Mood:  born this way


Okay so I have to admit two things.  1) I publicly disliked Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" from the beginning for sounding too much like Madonna.  2) I am now obsessed with the song.  I'm not sure which one of these confessions is more offensive.  But here we are.  With me in love with the song.  

Yesterday was Transfiguration Sunday.  A pretty tough Sunday School lesson...especially in light of (did you see what I just did there? oh biblical humor....) the fact that it was our highest attended Sunday School to date with two kids who have never been before showing up!  But...my obsession with all things sparkly and glittery came in handy yesterday.  For our craft...I asked the kids to use black construction paper and using only gold, silver, and two varying degrees of "clear" glitter glue...transform the paper into a piece of light.  They did amazingly.  Here's mine.

I tend to go pretty abstract when working with glitter.  And the green looking one...is not at all green.  Stupid drying ugly like.

Anyway.  So I went home in the afternoon and set out about doing nothing.  I watched a ton of WE's wedding programming since I was around cable for once.  Feeling super girly and indulgent I cracked open the latest Vogue...and actually READ the article on Lady Gaga as I have a new obsession with her current single.  Just as I was getting ready to give up on the crazy that is Lady Gaga...she says the most...AWESOME thing that just...made perfect sense on Transfiguration Sunday.  I mean...Jesus himself could just as easily have said this.  Which I know sounds weird...but it's true:

The truth is, the mystery and the magic is my art.  That is what I am good at.  You are fascinated by precisely the thing that you are trying to analyze and undo.

Honestly...I was just...I kind of sat there holding the freaking book that is this month's issue open...staring at the wedding mayhem taking place on WE...and all of a sudden...I got it.  As I'm typing this...I don't know exactly what it is I understood...but the entire day just...made sense.  Everything made sense.  My life in Iowa.  My career...leaving school...there was nothing to question anymore.  

Then I woke up this morning...and I'm homesick and tired of snow (which it is doing in Iowa today) and I was all pissy again.  Plus I have a meeting tonight and I hate few things more than church meetings.  Good thing I work in a church, no?

But Lady Gaga taught me something yesterday:  things don't ALWAYS have to make sense.  And the reason it was soooooooooo easy for me to say that Jesus could have said the same thing that Lady Gaga did...is that I don't have to make sense of faith.  I never have.  Sure I'm curious and I try to work out questions...but at the end of the day...I just believe.  I can easily take the Bible at face value but still believe in God and the mystery that is the life of Jesus.  And THAT is the hardest part of religion for so many people.  But not me.  Which is one of the reasons I work well with kids...that and I still laugh at the word "balls" every single time I hear it.  But seriously.  Communion?  I never worry about where Jesus is.  He doesn't have to BE the bread...or be under it or on top of it or smeared on it...it is what it is.  And I'm okay with that.

It's the rest of my life that I constantly try to make sense.  The non-existent love life.  The career.  The leaving school.  The entire state of Iowa.  I mean...I pick apart every single thing I do and say and feel until I have no room for mystery left.  And that gets tiring and old and boring.  Which are three adjectives that are simply not me.  I've probably written this exact nice thing about 10 times since I started this blog in August...but until I finally can release the need to control everything...I'm going to keep having this crazy "AHA" moment.  

What can I say?  I'm a work in progress...I was born this way.  Starting iTunes now....

No Apologies Necessary...

Mood:  anxious, dancy (yeah...you read that), inspired

I am currently listening to Lady Gaga.  Not something I do frequently, but when the mood strikes (myself or Caitlyn...as was the case tonight) it just must be obeyed.  It's like...you just can't fight the Gagita.  So as I listen to "Alejandro" I'm thinking about my day...and oddly enough...I think this song just about sums it up.

I'm totally kidding.  I honestly can't really even figure out the song.  I mean, I get the whole Alejandro thing...but who are Roberto and Fernando?  I mean...what?  It seems to me that the Lady is best listened to either while dancing around the apartment, dancing around the apartment drunk...or preparing for a date.  Yes...a date.  Or really anytime when you really need to OWN who you are.  Honestly...there are very few people in this world that OWN themselves the way Lady Gaga does.  Never apologizes...never questions...never answers questions...with the exception of her new album title "born this way."  LOVE IT.

Okay so there's no WAY I'm ever going to be Lady Gaga....although I totally have a Gaga costume that I so could have rocked this Halloween....but my point isn't really about her...it's about how she can just be herself.  And "born this way..." genius.  Look, we're all born "this way" whatever "this way" is.  Life is all about learning how to live with whatever way you were born.  Me...I'm a tad dramatic at times, I hyper analyze everything...I have "champagne taste" on...well...water budget, I'm a hopeless romantic and I've had an affinity for make-up and heels since I could...see them.  For the most part, I've made it work.  I'll admit that I've had my ups and downs and there were times where I was absolutely more than certain I COULD NOT keep going...but I'm here writing this, right?  

And to that end...I'm here excited to be here...here trying to be the most positive I can be every second of every day.  Life is too short to spend time apologizing...so stop.  Be yourself...you're the only you the world's got.

So my nice thing for today?  Writing this blog.  Taking a break from writing this blog to dance around with Caitlyn to Gaga and Katy Perry and Ke$ha and Miley...in our underwear (hey we were born this way!)....and ending the night with a mindless read on how to be fun, fearless, and unapologetic.