No Apologies Necessary...

Mood:  anxious, dancy (yeah...you read that), inspired

I am currently listening to Lady Gaga.  Not something I do frequently, but when the mood strikes (myself or Caitlyn...as was the case tonight) it just must be obeyed.  It's like...you just can't fight the Gagita.  So as I listen to "Alejandro" I'm thinking about my day...and oddly enough...I think this song just about sums it up.

I'm totally kidding.  I honestly can't really even figure out the song.  I mean, I get the whole Alejandro thing...but who are Roberto and Fernando?  I mean...what?  It seems to me that the Lady is best listened to either while dancing around the apartment, dancing around the apartment drunk...or preparing for a date.  Yes...a date.  Or really anytime when you really need to OWN who you are.  Honestly...there are very few people in this world that OWN themselves the way Lady Gaga does.  Never apologizes...never questions...never answers questions...with the exception of her new album title "born this way."  LOVE IT.

Okay so there's no WAY I'm ever going to be Lady Gaga....although I totally have a Gaga costume that I so could have rocked this Halloween....but my point isn't really about her...it's about how she can just be herself.  And "born this way..." genius.  Look, we're all born "this way" whatever "this way" is.  Life is all about learning how to live with whatever way you were born.  Me...I'm a tad dramatic at times, I hyper analyze everything...I have "champagne taste" on...well...water budget, I'm a hopeless romantic and I've had an affinity for make-up and heels since I could...see them.  For the most part, I've made it work.  I'll admit that I've had my ups and downs and there were times where I was absolutely more than certain I COULD NOT keep going...but I'm here writing this, right?  

And to that end...I'm here excited to be here...here trying to be the most positive I can be every second of every day.  Life is too short to spend time apologizing...so stop.  Be yourself...you're the only you the world's got.

So my nice thing for today?  Writing this blog.  Taking a break from writing this blog to dance around with Caitlyn to Gaga and Katy Perry and Ke$ha and Miley...in our underwear (hey we were born this way!)....and ending the night with a mindless read on how to be fun, fearless, and unapologetic. 

Just Own the Night

   

Mood:  sleepy, anxious, unsure, insecure

I'm not the popular girl.  I'm the chubby girl that smiles while crying inside.  I'm the girl that does homework for the jock hoping he'll at least notice that she is pretty.  I'm the girl that lets other people tell her who she is and who she  will be.

At least 16 year old me is.  And I find that often, she's been hanging out with me again.  She'll always be a part of me.  I'll never 100% believe that I'm beautiful no matter how confident I feel.  I'm always going to have this gnawing anxiety that I could be better.  That I SHOULD be better.  That 16 year old me might take back over any day and run my life again.  

 But then I have moments of clarity where I realize that I am beautiful.  And smart.  And funny.  And that even if there are 15 guys who don't see it...there will be one that will.  And as long as I believe in me...the rest will fall into place.

Today's nice thing was a complete accident.  I thought it might be the 2-3 hours of cleaning Caitlyn and I did (the fridge is spotless as is the stove and EVERY dish in the apartment is clean).  When that didn't give me the "happy nice" thing I was seeking I thought it might be the 4 episodes of How I Met Your Mother that we watched to reward ourselves for being so cleanly.  That didn't do it either.  So after having taken an internet break for the last 2/3 days unless necessary...I was screwing around and remembered I wanted to watch a Youtube.  Enter my nice thing.  

I couldn't get the video to go where I wanted it to in this blog so if you watched it first you probably know what my nice thing is.  Or not.  It's related though.  Even if my breasts (okay I know it's her heart...) don't actually spew fireworks...my soul does now.  And today, as with everyday I will continue to tell the 16 year old me to kindly shut up...we've grown up.  And baby, we're fireworks.  (if you didn't watch the video please do so now.)