I am beyond embarrassed to admit this so very publicly...but here goes: I have not only seen, but own and love all three Disney High School Musical movies. This could be slightly less embarrassing if I had my own children...or the intellect of a 5 year old...but damn it they're cute movies. And I have a weakness for musicals. Little known fact about me. Anyway, so I haven't watched them in a looooooooooooong time...especially the first one. I haven't watched that in....years. But tonight I felt the need to pop it in cause the song that it opens with has been stuck in my head all freaking day. Side note...attempting to do a "grown up" job with a Disney song stuck in your head is like trying to do a Calculus proof while listening to Rebecca Black fail about Friday. True story.
Anyway. Sooooooooo I was going about my work day...doing very little work...when it occurred to me that I haven't blogged in a few days. Since the recap of the first date. I'm sure I've done nice things. I made a freaking sweet Philly dinner tonight so I know I have. But...mainly...I haven't blogged because...I've been kinda...smitten.
I've been single now for 3 years. As I was actually doing the math while talking with my mommy on the phone (yes I'll be 27 in 10 days and she's still my mommy) I realized it's going on 4 years. That's a lot of time to be single. Every date I've had has asked why I've been single that long. Which without divulging a ton of personal information is a pretty heavy question. I didn't go through a lesbian phase, or even a general man hating phase. I just took a lot of time to myself. The same men that ask "why 3 years?" also know that my last serious relationship lasted 6 years. Assuming they know my age...which they do...if they did the math that means that relationship began when I was 18. I've been single for 3 some years. That means the break up occurred when I was almost 24.
Given the math alone it's reasonable to have been single for that long. And as I worked through my own insecurity about having shut myself off to relationships for some time I realized that I'm damn glad I took that time to myself. 18-23/24 are some pretty formative years. To be in a horrible relationship that was nothing but drama on top of everything else that took place during that time....college/work/graduation/grad school/family issues/work....I mean...I'm honestly amazed I came out alive. And relatively normal.
So what do my 3 year dating hiatus and High School Musical have in common? A lot more than one might think. When I fall asleep to the movie tonight it will be with a smile on my face. Because while I am still, in fact, single...I'm FINALLY ready to change that. Which I am aware that I've blogged before. But this time...it's a for real, butterflies in my stomach knowing that I am ready. And it's a pretty damn good feeling to know that I've come to a place where I'm ready to share myself with someone again. All of me. Even the absolutely insane and crazy nonsense. Like the fact that I'm afraid of toilet snakes because of a Scrubs episode or that I have an irrational fear of cornfields (and yes I know I live in Iowa).
I don't expect to find my husband tomorrow...or maybe I will. Maybe I've met him already. Maybe I won't meet him for another 3 years. These things I can't know. But what I can...is that I've been nice enough to myself...to actually be ready to meet him. And that is a wonderful gift.
