I Think I Wanna Marry You...

Mood:  it's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do...

It's been over a week since I blogged.  But reading the last post, and having lived the last week, it feels like that was written almost a lifetime ago.  Honestly.  It's somewhat insane how much 8 days can change your life.  That is, if you let it anyway.

I could chronicle everything that's happened and all the fun nice things that I've been doing...but it's all almost too crazy to believe.  Just thinking of everything and how to blog about it....even I have a hard time taking it all in.  All I know is that my life is completely different than it was the last time I set out to write about random niceness and I couldn't be happier.


It doesn't hurt that my birthday was one of the last 8 days, and it was a celebration that lasted for a good 3 days.  Or that my dad and sister came from Pennsylvania to visit me...bringing with them a new car.  And then of course, there's the fact that the boyfriend met the father and sister....and all those involved were happy and laughing.  Oh...and all the fun presents.  The new car, the PS3, tons of games and guides for said games, jewelry, and the most beautiful poem I've ever read.  That was written for me. The best gift of all, though, was definitely being around family and people that care and love me.


Yeah, love.  In 8 days I've gone from girlfriend, to girlfriend in love.  Apparently this whole "love at first sight" thing isn't some random nonsense that I was force fed by Disney.  I know that my parents have told me the story of how they met and married....6 weeks from meeting to proposal.  I have never doubted that story...as I'm living proof...but it's always seemed absolutely insane to me.  And certainly never something that I would experience.  


Though 8 days after first telling my readers that I had a boyfriend...I'm telling you that I also am in love.  Like, forever fairytale kinda love.  


I've blogged before about how I've been in and out of therapy since I was 10.  It's true.  I've done all kinds of therapy and counseling and medication.  Countless advice and journals and through it all pretty much only one actual session has stuck with me and it's this:


In 5th grade I was freaking out about not having a boyfriend, which in retrospect seems absolutely insane...but so am I.  And my doctor told me that I was the reason that I didn't have one.  Not exactly what a chubby, insecure 5th grader wants to hear.  And I'm sure at the time I freaked out and cried and decided she was wrong and I was just too fat and ugly....but I get it now.  It's taken me nearly 17 years to understand what she was saying...and how valuable that advice was.  


I've guarded my heart and life and had closed myself off to being with someone else for such a long time.  True...I had a boyfriend for 6.5 years.  And I thought I was open to marriage and relationships...


The thing is....the way I'm feeling...and the emotions I'm having and have been having for the last few weeks are unlike any that I've ever experienced.  When people say "you'll just know" or "you just can't put it into words" they aren't lying.  And I wish they were lying so I could eloquently describe this amazing, crazy, irrational, ecstatic, and overwhelming state I'm in.  But I can't.  All I can do is say that by far the nicest thing that I've ever done for myself is to let someone else into my life.  To open my head, heart, and being for someone else.  


I love you.  

Oh and...