Guys, I have got to stop blogging once every 6 months or so. I've wanted to write for a while...but I just always feel like somebody else has said anything that I have to write before. And they've said it more eloquently. And if it's somebody super awesome, like Allie Brosh, she's said it with pictures. Sometimes of bears. How can I compete with that?
I've recently become immersed in the world of YouTube, the beauty gurus in particular. Oh how dangerous their voices are when I'm in my local CVS. As I watch them I remember how when I was a teenager I would put my makeup on in front of the mirror and verbally coach an invisible audience through it. I seriously did. I did the same thing with cooking, acting like I was going to be the star of a cooking show. It never occurred to my 16 year old self that when the interwebs became awesome and people started uploading videos that I might have something to say. And that invisible audience might actually be real people one day.
Actually, I gave up on a career in beauty altogether right after I graduated from college and was offered a job for BareMinerals. Stupid Ashley. The thing is, I can't really beat myself up over that. If I had agreed to be the Marketing Rep for the Philadelphia region of their sales force...well...I wouldn't have had a reason to move to Iowa broke and jobless. I wouldn't have met my husband. I wouldn't know my stepson. And I wouldn't have this ball of fluff.
How can I wallow in what might have been with that face staring at me? Um. I can't.
When it comes to doing things I want to, but am too afraid to do, Jeff is always right there cheering me on. Encouraging me to try things that scare me. Blogging. Vlogging. New craft ideas from Pinterest....
"I like your writing."
"It's always fun to read."
"Other people like your writing."
And more recently he's been nagging me to start vlogging...if it's something I want to do of course.
"All the beauty gurus started somewhere." He's right of coure. And all the bloggers did too. I guess that sitting in front of my computer hoping that one day I'll wake up an internet made millionaire isn't going to do me any good. Like a millionaire that gets to roll around naked in money (though that's probably reaaaaaaaaaaally dirty). I know, of course, that making this much money wouldn't make me happy automatically, money is NOT what the whole world is about...but I'd like to make enough money to say, have our own house one day. I wouldn't turn down naked rolling money, but I'd settle for rent money of course. For now....
This horribly connected post is a reintroduction of sorts to the world of blogging and reaching out a bit socially. I've developed an unhealthy relationship with YouTube, my couch and the view from the deck when I'm feeling adventurous.
Jeff's assertion that everybody starts somewhere is true. And I keep thinking about that and while I acknowledge that the statement is true I guess my hang up is that...I'm not a somebody. And I'm not destined to be a somebody. I used to dream of a life of fame on Broadway but when I actually realized that I could not carry a tune to save my live and actually may cause others to take their own lives...well...the whole idea of fame kind of wore off. Then I wanted to be a famous writer...the next J.K. Rowling. Hell, I'd be Stephenie Meyer if I no longer had to worry about money. Maybe not. I want to put out art that I am truly proud of, not that makes quick millions. Although....
Anyway. Discussions on what constitutes good literature (i.e. NOT Twilight) is not at all the point here. The point is that I'm slowly starting to realzie that, damn it, I might be somebody. And I may never be Rowling rich or famous. I may never have over a million subscribers who want to hear what I have to say about Cetaphil face wash (incidentally I quite like it!) and I may have Allie Brosh darling of the internet status. That's fine I guess. My point is that at 29 I'm finally ready to do things like taking risks and failing. I have got to stop never starting for fear of failure. Cause, I mean, that really has gotten me nowhere. And I can't even say I tried.
I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm fairly certain that vlogging as a beauty guru is not what I'm meant to do, but it does look pretty fun. Too bad I'm sure I couldn't edit videos with any skill whatsoever. What I do believe in is my love affair with words. With writing. With connecting to otherss via words and ideas. So for now, I'm going to dip my little toe into the ocean and gently ease back in to writing. Regularly. On this blog. And I hope you're willing to take whatever journey I'm on with me.
